The Girl Most Likely To…(1973):  My acting career pretty much begins with an appearance as Sergeant-Major Morris in The Monkey’s Paw and ends with my role as Dr. Green from this story. No, I was not in the movie. I was in a stage play version and the kiss that gave me a fatal heart attack was the first kiss I ever had from a non-family member girl. She said I tasted like a chili dog. A much cuter blonde girl offered to give me lessons after the play (and some mints).

Inspired by The Second Face, this was written by Joan Rivers and Agnes Gallin It was directed by Lee Phillips, who starred in Peyton Place and also made The Stranger Within and The Spell. It was the ABC Movie of the Week, first airing on November 6, 1973.

It’s also Stockard Channing’s first movie and she’s Miriam Knight, an intelligent young lady who is overlooked because of, well, her looks. Her roommate grows jealous when Miriam gets the lead in a stage play, so she sneak attacks her with roses. Miriam’s allergies send her running from the stage and into an accident which changes her looks and life forever.

Once the bandages come off her face, she’s a totally new girl. One who is now willing to do whatever it takes to get revenge — murderous revenge — on everyone who has ever wronged her.

The Girl Most Likely To… has a great cast, such as Ed Asner, Jim Backus, Joe Flynn from McHale’s Navy, Chuck McCann (a voice of a ton of animated characters), comedy magician Carl Ballantine, Fred Grandy from The Love Boat, CHiPs star Larry Wilcox, future director Dennis Dugan (who, before directing a LOT of Adam Sandler movies, such as Just Go with It, acted in films, such as 1980’s The Howling) and the man who would be Captain America and Yor Hunter from the Future, Reb Brown.

This is a comedy, but man, it’s a really dark one. How was my school allowed to put this play on?

Mooch Goes to Hollywood (1971): Mooch is a new girl in town, fresh off the bus to Hollywood, wanting to be a star. We’ve seen it all before, but have we seen it with Mooch being played by Higgins the Dog, whose 14 year career in Hollywood had him on Petticoat Junction and playing the original Benji. His daughter Benjean took over the role of Benji and trainer Frank Inn loved this dog so much that he had his ashes buried with him. He also wrote this poem when Higgins died:

My Gift to Jesus
by Frank Inn

I wish someone had given little Jesus
a dog as loyal and loving as mine
to sleep by His manger and gaze in His eyes
and adore Him for being divine.

As our Lord grew to manhood His own faithful dog
would have followed Him all through the day
while He preached to the crowds and made the sick well
and knelt in the garden to pray.

It is sad to remember that Christ went away
to face death alone and apart
with no tender dog following close behind
to comfort His masters heart.

And when Jesus rose on that Easter morn
how happy He would have been
as His dog kissed His hand and barked its delight
for the one who died for all men.

Well the Lord has a dog now, I just sent Him mine…
My old pal so dear to me
And I smile through my tears on this first day alone
knowing they’re in eternity.

A movie narrated by not just Richard Burton but also Zsa Zsa Gabor, this is everything I love about 1970s Hollywood. How else can you explain a movie where a dog meets Vincent Price at the Brown Derby, goes to Dino’s and the Playboy Club with Phyliss Diller, runs into Ricky Ricardo’s Jerry Hausner, James Darren, Jill St. John and Jim Backus and his wife Henny. All narrated, again, by Zsa Zsa, who is basically unintelligble.

Meanwhile, the theme song plaintively warbles about Mooch’s adventures. It sounds like the “went to see the movie, went to see the show” drive-in commerical for the snack bar.

It was directed by Richard Erdman, who was in a ton of movies and also played Leonard on Community. He also directed The Brothers O’Toole, which was the first movie produced by Sunn’s Charles Sellier Jr. Speaking of Backus, he wrote this with Jerry Devine.

Some facts: This was Edward G. Robinson’s final movie. Higgins’ various costumes were provided by Frederick’s of Hollywood. The theme song is sung by Sonny Curtis, who wrote “I Fought the Law” and would follow this by singing the theme to Benji. Man, Sonny Curtis! He was in the Crickets and stayed in the band when Buddy Holly died. He also sang “Love Is All Around,” the theme for The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

This is a movie for kids and yet Mooch becomes a stripper with Zza Zsa saying, “Keep it on. Keep it on!”

Higgins was so well trained that he learned a new trick every week.

NOTE: I said this was Edward G. Robinson’s first movie when it’s really his last. Thanks to Kris Erickson for finding the typo!

You can watch this and many other films at CFF by buying a pass on their website. Over the next few days, I’ll be posting reviews and articles and updating my Letterboxd list of watches.