Directed by Stephen Hopkins (Predator 2, Judgement Night) and written by magician Teller and Colman deKay, this stars D.B. Sweeney as Clyde, a killer on the run from the police. He evades them and ends up in the home of the elderly Lillian (Rachel Ticotin, Total Recall), who he soon insults after she saves him from a sheriff (R. Lee Ermey).

“Hey, cats. I call this one “Painted into a Coroner Blues.” When I think of you, my heart goes flopsy. As I contemplate your sweet autopsy. Your skin is green and blue, whatever would I do; without my fine cadaver. The love in which I know I’ll fall starts with the unkindest cut of all. Thank you, thank you. They don’t call me the creative writing corpse for nothing. Thank you. My next poem is a little ex-terror-imental number I’ve been working on. I hope you like it. It’s about a real ghoul dude named Clyde, who’s about to try a little die-ku of his own in a vile verse I call: “Staired in Horror.””

Lillian has been cursed to remain in the house forever, old while downstairs, young while upstairs. When a man climbs the stairs, he will immediately age. Only in the middle of the stairs can they be together. The sheriff makes his way into the home, but they trick him as Clyde has aged by coming upstairs. He stays there too long, turning into an elderly old man, but when Lillian tries to save him, she has aged all the way back into being an infant.

This is based on “Staired… in Horror!” from Vault of Horror #23. It was written by William Gaines and Al Feldstein and drawn by Graham Ingels. This story is nothing like this episode, instead being about a lighthouse, a woman who murders husbands and zombies. Good Lord — choke!