Each October, the Unsung Horrors podcast does a month of themed movies. This year they will once again be setting up a fundraiser to benefit Best Friends, which is working to save the lives of cats and dogs all across America, giving pets second chances and happy homes.

Today’s theme: Karen Black

Donald G. Jackson made The Demon Lover while working in a Detroit car factory before heading out to Hollywood to make movies like I Like to Hurt People and Hell Comes to Frogtown. He met up with Scott Shaw and together, they invented something they called zen filmmaking, which is all about making movies with no screenplay, just an idea.

Together, they made several end of the world rollerblade movies — Roller Blade, Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force, The Roller Blade Seven, The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven and Return of the Roller Blade Seven — and this is in the middle of them. And oh yeah, Rollergator.

Hawk Goodman (Shaw) has been sent on a mission by Father Donaldo (Jackson) to rescue Sister Sparrow Goodman from Saint Offender (Joe Estevez) and the Pharaoh (William Smith), a man who rules over the dead world of the future time. Inside the Wheelzone, most travel by rollerblade or skateboard. Yet Hawk has embraced the two wheel Harley.

To learn all he will face, Hawk must trip out with Tarot (Karen Black), learn to skate and then take his samurai sword and join up with Kabuki (Claudia Scholz), the banjo playing Axxx Man (Joe Coolness) and Stella Speed (Allison Coleman, who would later in life be a producer and director of reality shows like America’s Next Top Model). They will battle rollerblade ninjas, the Black Knight (you guessed it, Frank Stallone), the metal-clad Kabuki Devil (Don Stroud) and so many more enemies.

This footage from The Rollerblade Seven was combined with footage from the sequel, Return of the Roller Blade Seven, and played as Legend of the Roller Blade Seven on USA Up All Night. And yes, that’s Rhonda Shear as Officer Daryl Skates. Not to mention Jill Kelly as Deserette and several half nude women as O’ffenderettes and wheelzone warriors.

I often advise taking drugs during movies but this one may need you to be sober. There’s one scene where Hawk keeps pulling out of the same parking lot eight times in a row. Even if you’re totally clean, you’re going to be high by the end.

“You’re going into the wheel zone? There is so much danger!”

“So much danger?”

“So much danger!”

“So much danger?”

“So much danger!”

You know how in old 1980s adult films they’d try a plot and you’d wonder when the sex would happen? This is that without any sex to get in the way. It’s just swords, martial arts, religion, butts, skating, parking lots, punks, face paint, some more butts and repeated dialogue. But yeah, William Smith in a wheelchair being evil, mushrooms with Karen Black and the neglected Stallone and Estevez brothers.

I want action figures of every character in this movie.

You can watch this on YouTube with all of the nudity…

An edited version…

And the unseen scenes.