HauntedWeen (1991)

Bowling Green, Kentucky in 1991. Some may have been drinking all weekend, but Doug Robertson and his crew were making a slasher film, ten years or more after the boom. But that — and the lack of budget — don’t matter. Because HauntedWeen has heart. And intestines. And blood. And, well, you get it.

Back in 1970, Eddie Burber wasn’t old enough to work in his family’s spookhouse. He responded to this by luring a girl into the place and impaling her, which caused the Burber’s to pack up and disappear. Twenty years later and Eddie’s mom, who kept him safe and free from the cops Bad Ronald mothering style has died of a heart attack. And the beloved haunted house is now owned by the Sigma Pi fraterity, who plan on opening it back up.

If you said out loud, “Bad idea,” you know how these movies work.

Sure, there’s nearly an hour of the frat boys and their relationship and financial problems, but you’re a grown up now. You know that you don’t need the orgasmic release of slasher murders immediately and you can pace yourself. Maybe this movie asks you to pace yourself a bit longer, but go with it. Because by the time we get there, little kids are watching college boys die and cheering along, unaware that the death is all real. Movies like this and The Funhouse have made me never want to go to a scare house or haunted dark ride because I know for sure that there are real murderers everywhere. I also avoid Tourist Traps. After all, young people disappear every year.

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