JEAN ROLLIN-UARY: Fly Me the French Way (1974)

AKA Tout le monde il en a deux AKA Bacchannales Sexuelles, even Jean Rollin has to make money to pay for idiosyncratic works so why not make something a little, well, adult? And hey, if making porn is beneath him as an artist, maybe he also brings something strange to the party because, well, I don’t think he knew any other way.

Valérie (Joëlle Coeur) is crashing at her cousin’s apartment in Paris — yeah, it’s Rollin’s apartment — seems a perfect place for her to call over her friend Sophie (Marie-France Morel) who decides to climb a high bookshelf and nearly dangle from it while wearing knee boots and a skirt that can charitably be said to barely be there. What else can they do put pour vodka all over one another and tumble into the very convenient mattress on the floor, then throw on some see-through nightgowns and lie together?

Before you get used to what’s going on, two burglars (Marie-Pierre Castel and Catherine Castel) have rolled up Sophie in a rug and just walked out the front door. It’s enough to get Valérie to call her man Fred (Alain Bastin) over for protection and yes, that means another sex scene.

She’s been taken by Malvina (Brigitte Borghese), a priestess in the Cult of the Pure Flesh and the reason why Valérie’s cousin is out of town is that they are hunting him down for exposing him in an article he wrote. But now they have Sophie instead of Valérie and despite her protests, decide to whip her while cult member Karl (Marcel Richard) brings his al dente noodle to the spaghetti house of Frida (Minia Malove).

While her friend is being tortured, Valérie and Fred keep on doing two-person push-ups, which only increases when the cult sends a maid over to spy on them and she ends up in the tub with the couple. Then the real maid shows up, a fight breaks out and the plot is figured out.

This is the point where Malvina decides to own this movie, pulling off stunts like shooting well-dressed mannequins in the crotch before making out with them and donning chain mail eveningwear and getting every single person in a sex ritual all ready to go. Then everything gets all Eyes Wide Shut 15 years early before things wrap up with a happy ending.

Not that kind. Come on.

I mean, it’s a super low budget French softcore movie so I’m not going to pretend it’s art — see Just Jaeckin for that — but it’s still fun, what with sex cults, twin maids and an evil lead who’s a blast.

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