TUBI PICKS (week 13)

It’s Thursday and I’m ready to give you some recommendations for what to watch on Tubi.

1.  Prey of the JaguarTUBI LINK

Maxwell Caulfield as a superhero? Linda Blair and Stacy Keach are in it too? I mean, that’s al I needed to know.

2. The BlobTUBI LINK

That poster is by Travis Bundy and man, has anyone ever made a better remake ever? In fact, I love this movie way more than the original.

3. Freejack: TUBI LINK

Look, Mick Jagger wears a silly hat and people can be saved from death and man, cyberpunk.

4. Fire and Ice: TUBI LINK

More people should be losing their minds over those. Comic book writers Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway? Frank Frazetta art come to life? Ralph Bakshi? A Batman-esque barbarian named Darkwolf? Backgrounds by your mom’s favorite painter Thomas Kinkade? You know it.

5. Lifeforce: TUBI LINK

What a fabulous disaster. We will never again have a movie this relentlessly weird released as a big budget film. Never. Watch this and be astounded because everything was real, Tobe Hooper was nuts and Cannon paid the bill.

6. The New York Ripper: TUBI LINK

Art by Jay Shaw. I had a crisis of faith today. Do the movies I love make me a horrible person worthy of exodus? Maybe. A few hours later, I could give less of a fuck and will recommend you watch this movie, an utterly indefensible film that I gave ten stars to because I love Lucio Fulci, I adore how fucked up he was mentally and I love when people just give up and go all in. At least they have some guts.

7. Pieces: TUBI LINK

Speaking of movies I should probably be shunned for, I will forever love this movie, which does not care about anything other than entertaining you. I’ve watched it so many times and still wonder what’s going on but that’s so much of the joy. You don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre!

8. The Red Queen Kills Seven Times: TUBI LINK

I don’t know if God exists, but I refuse to believe that a big bang and some chemicals could craft something as perfect and wonderful as Barbara Bouchet, who I fell I love with across time as I watched her seduce a boy from the comfort of her bathtub and then investigate a murder in the provinces. Forever my queen.

9. Death Warmed Up: TUBI LINK

Australia was once a prison colony filled with deadly animals and now, well, it’s just filled with deadly animals and man, their movies are absolutely what I want. This movie is a punk rock surgery zombie revenge something. It’s something.

10. I Drink Your Blood: TUBI LINK

My church is the secular world of the drive-in, but I feel like I had a vision during this movie. Then again, I was smoking and drinking for four movies by then, the car surrounded by fog inside and out and a small town being destroyed by the innocence of a boy. Satan is an acid head.

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