CANNON MONTH 2: The Secret of the Ice Cave (1989)

As of the writing of this, one person each has written a user review and critic review on IMDB. Now, I join them, the smallest fan club of a movie that no one else wants or needs to watch. Yes, who was looking for Sally Kellerman and Michael Moriarty in a movie about a mysterious ice cave?

Made by Romanian director Radu Gabrea and writer Mike Werb (who would go on to make Darkman III: DIe, Darkman, DieFace/OffThe Mask and Food of the Gods II), this movie is essential for those of us who have a David Mendenhall and have already watched Going Bananas and Over the Top. Or maybe you’re doing a marathon of the films of Virgil Frye and need something to pair with Revenge of the Ninja or Up from the Depths.

Mendenhall plays Alex Ostrow, whose mother Valerie (Sally Kellerman) is a scientist looking for a rare Chilean spider. They’re soon joined by Manny Wise (Moriarty) and his daughter Ona (Marcia Christie) on the hunt for the cave of that spider and pursued by Valerie’s husband Victor Talbot (Norbert Weisser) and his underling Frank Hagen (Virgil Frye).

At one point, Alex has to fix a TV for a tribe of cannibals so fierce that they cut off their victim’s manhood and shove it down their throat. He gets I Love Lucy to air, but they’ve seen it before and grow angry. This is a movie for kids — well, it’s PG-13 — but it’s also Cannon.

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