Shakma (1990)

Shakma was played by a baboon named Typhoon and I should really just end this article here because I can’t top that.

Christopher Atkins has left The Blue Lagoon behind and now has a pet baboon named, well, Shakma. For some reason, he trusts his college professor Sorensen (Roddy McDowall) enough to inject his pet with some hormones to limit its aggression. This goes horribly wrong and Shakma goes, well, ape shit. I know, I know, baboon shit. Sorensen then tells Atkins’ character that he will euthanize Shakma.

So after all that, after a man killed his baboon, Atkins’ character Sam, his sister Kim (Ari Meyers) and his friends Gary, Bradley, Richard and Tracy (Amanda Wyss) all LARP with Sorensen in his real life roleplaying game and wait, this guy just — let me highlight this — killed the hero’s pet who is just a few steps down evolutionary-wise from being human.

These morons then trust a man way too old to be playing games with them to take out the fire alarms and lock them in the same building where a not-so-dead — and even more red ass enraged — Shakma just wants murder.

A movie filled with some of the absolutely most brainless characters ever, Shakma wipes out everyone. You’ll yell stuff like “Shakma is an animal, how can it cut the power?” and watch this with the knowledge that they made the baboon legit mental by continually saying its name, like some weird pro wrestling heat, and Amanda Wyss was quite rightly afraid of even being close to the belligerent baboon.

I can’t even oversell the main fact of this movie: every human in it is the dumbest human you will ever see. God bless Shakma for having the sense to take them down.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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