Venom (2020)

This movie is like one of those places where no cell phone works. There’s no IMDB entry for the movie, one review on Letterboxd and neither he nor actress Danielle Brocklebank* have an IMDB page. Yet somehow, this sixty-minute long movie — which has nothing to do with va-va-Venom, the 1971 movie or 1981 film — is on Tubi where you can discover it and wonder, “What the actual fuck?”

An investigative journalist is trying to learn more about an evil doctor/drug dealer in a Ben Cooper mask who uses venomous snakes as coke mules, letting them eat and eat and eat and then sending them to England. He wipes out everyone wo tries to get the story out — I mean, they’re all narcs so other than him being a murderous scientist with a steampunk looking visor I’m on his side — but then he decides to kill our heroine and her boyfriend by letting a snake loose in her flat.

To escape, the two must use a bunch of paper cups and a string — shout out to Pepsi Max getting some free publicity, I’ve been drinking that stuff so much for so long most of my body is made from it to communicate like kids in a treehouse. It was at this point that I just gave in and watched this, amazed that it was ever made, that it made it to Tubi and that it was now be watched an ocean and years away in my basement.

We’ve made an incredible world and it’s so trivial.

*He has a modeling page and she has an Instagram though!

 

You can watch this on Tubi.

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