Ninja Night Thunder Fox (1988)

Brad and Bonnie may share a detective agency but as soon as you realize that Godfrey Ho directed this, the sooner you’ll come to accept that Brad (Marko Ritchie) and Bonnie (Hsu Ying-Chu) are from two different movies that are only connected by the telephone, the same way that Chrissy Snow could keep talking to Janet Wood and Jack Tripper despite the contract negotiations of Suzanne Sommers.

How do we know we’re in America when we’re watching Brad speak to Bonnie by staring at her photo as if this is a late 80s Facetime? The Coca-Cola cans everywhere, of course.

After that call, Brad takes a call from a girl named Pam who wants to hire him to take her case before she’s killed by this movie’s big bad, Decker (Mike Abbott), who has bad guys in his employ from yet another movie, Tiger and Ringo. He’s running a modeling school that hooks girls on drugs and then into white slavery and somehow does this by uniting multiple films into one strange and branching narrative.

So what does the modeling school teach?

Aerobics.

Will Bonnie go there?

Of course.

She’s from a movie called Lover and Killer and she’s awesome.

Meanwhile, we keep cutting back to Brad, who somehow becomes a red ninja because suddenly someone remembered that this was a ninja movie and then it all ends with a gunfight.

Huh?

This is also known as Ninja Phantom Heroes. There are moments where you have no idea what is going to happen next or even where the story is and the confusion feels like when drugs work. When the high isn’t scary and you’re doing what Huxley said about the doors of perception and you’re just feeling that life makes sense because this ninja madness makes no sense whatsoever.

You can watch this on Tubi.

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