GREGORY DARK WEEK: Mirror Images (1992)

I mean, yes, we have seen this before. A woman changes identities with her identical twin sister, finally getting to sip from the fountain of the fantasies she’s kept hidden in her vanilla marriage, but if I’ve learned one thing from a week of Gregory Dark mainstream movies, it’s that dream life has a dark grey lining under every silver cloud.

Directed under the name Alexander Gregory Hippolyte, somehow this movie brings along Kenickie and J. Peterman into the world of Dark, a place usually occupied by Delia Sheppard (who plays both twins), Dominique Simone, Kelly Royce and Julie Strain, who somehow has the sheer level of universal appeal that allows her to straddle — seductively straddle at that — the light side of the softcore force that is Andy Sidaris and the darkest of the dark that is Gregory Dark.

Where Sidaris presents a world that only exists in Dallas, New Orleans, Hawaii or Savage Beach, places dominated by jacuzzis, men who can’t shoot and the occasional remote controlled weapon interrupting synth-driven touching, Dark’s world is one where the forbidden fruit bites back, where getting to live the filthy life of your darkest dreams ends up decimating your vanilla white picket fence life, but along the way you get silky lingerie, gorgeous framing and, yes, lots of saxophone. I’ve been discussing the usage of saxophone in these movies all week and the only person who loved sex and sax more was probably Lucio Fulci, who showed us just how a woman can really enjoy one in The Devil’s Honey.

Look, I know the internet has all the dirty filth you want, but why is no one making movies like this any more? I mean, a bunch of hacks ape giallo and everyone loses their mind over it and people add some neon and synth and everybody thinks they’re Carpenter. Be brave and try to make one of these movies. Maybe they don’t make them like this any more. And sadly, Julie Strain is gone and while I want her to find the eternal rest she deserves, I wouldn’t be sad to discover that she’s become a sexy ghost.

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