SLASHER MONTH: Halloween: The Loomis Trilogy

This fan cut attempts to put together the fourth, fifth and sixth films in the Halloween series while moving some narrative elements around and integrating the many twists and turns of the truly baffling sixth film and the various cuts that are available.

Seeing the films in this fashion made me reconsider how I view the franchise. While I’ve often looked down on everything that came after the fourth film, I have to consider that for Becca, who is thirteen years younger than me, these movies are seen in a much different light.

That’s made me look at what does work in these films. The fourth movie, despite the mob plot, opens with perhaps the best credits sequence in the series, one that shows you small town America and hints at the menace in the fuzzed out corners. There are also some lunatic moments in this film, such as the exchange between Loomis and Reverend Jackson P. Sayer:

Sayer: You’re huntin’ it, ain’t ya? Yeah, you’re huntin’ it, all right. Just like me.

Loomis: What are you hunting, Mr. Sayer?

Sayer: Apocalypse, End of the World, Armageddon. It’s always got a face and a name. I’ve been huntin’ the bastard for 30 years, give or take. Come close a time or two. Too damn close! You can’t kill damnation, Mister. It don’t die like a man dies.

Loomis : I know that, Mr. Sayer.

What this movie doesn’t tell you — but the novelization does — is that Sayer comes back to Haddonfield to help Loomis and runs directly into The Shape at the police station, who immediately gouges out his eyes.

I was also reminded of just how horrible the children of this small town are. They’re brutal to Jamie, chasing her and screaming that she’s an orphan and that her uncle was the boogeyman. Her life gets much worse — honestly, Jamie is the female character who has the most downer treatment of any character with the Halloween films — including the end of the first film setting up that she could very well be the next incarnation of The Shape.

The fifth installment backpedals from this notion, setting up Jamie as recovered from nearly stabbing her stepmother in the shock ending to the fourth movie. Now, she lives in the Haddonfield Children’s Clinic and is under constant observation.

One of the great tricks of this re-edit is that it places Michael washing down the river  — and into the hermit’s hideout — within parts of the fifth film, making the narrative tighter between the films.

The Revenge of Michael Myers is a wild movie, with an opening scrapped where a young magician who knew of the power of runes — oh man, more on that in a bit — would resurrect The Shape after he was shot full of holes. That sequence was shot and didn’t end up being used.

There’s also the matter of the Man in Black, a character that no one had any idea — not just the audience, but the people making the movie — who it really was or their motivation even after the movie was made.

Dr. Loomis somehow goes from protector to out and out lunatic in this movie, often portrayed as being as driven and insane as the enemy he has been fighting all these years. Near the close of the movie, his actions directly put Jamie in the path of her uncle and cost several police officers their lives.

I have a dream of making a sitcom — let’s call it “Oh That Loomis” in which Dr. Loomis must adopt Jamie, who comes to live with him in the Myers house along with Rachel Carruthers, Tina Williams and an ever-changing cast of dogs, as Michael continues to murder and eat them. As of now, they have a dog named Tuesday.

Each episode has the girls growing up and wanting their freedom — think Facts of Life with Donald Pleasance in the Charlotte Rae role or Nell Carter in Gimme a Break — and Loomis reacts to every situation with his out of control and obsessive diatribes about Michael Myers.

Here’s a scene:

Rachel: Prom only comes once a year, Doctor Loomis. And I know you worry about us. I appreciate you. We appreciate you. But I’m staying out all night for the prom and I hope you understand.

Loomis: I-I-I watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room, staring at a wall; not seeing the wall, looking past the wall; looking at this night, inhumanly patient, waiting for some secret, silent alarm to trigger him off.

Rachel: I’ll probably be back in the morning. I know how you worry about things.

Loomis (screaming): Death has come to your little town. Now, you can either ignore it, or you can help me to stop it.

One episode will concern the girls wanting to buy a clothes dryer because they’re sick of Uncle Michael — a constant presence on the show — sneaking around the clothesline. They throw a car wash, but for every car they clean, The Shape kills their customer before they can pay.

One more scene for you:

Tina: We’re taking Jamie to get ice cream, Loomis. Want something?

Loomis: I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes…

Tina: So, no…

Loomis: The devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply…

Tina: Rocky Road?

Loomis: Evil!

Look for this series coming soon to some streaming platform, produced by Mike Justice.

That said, five is an even bigger mess, but The Curse of Michael Myers may be the strangest mess of all, with a character that was supposedly going to be played by Howard Stern, Tommy Doyle being a rune and conspiracy obsessed wacko that names a baby Steven because he looks like a Steven, an old lady who pretty much reads the closing speech from Halloween 3, a cult within Smith’s Grove and multiple cuts of a film that all really don’t add up. But wow, if The Loomis Trilogy doesn’t try.

For all the scorn you can heap on these movies, at least the sixth film has ideas. And no idea how to make the mask right, but that’s something that a series based around a killer who is so identified with his mask has historically had way too many problems with.

Does the world near a four-hour plus blu ray of these movies all in a row? No.

Do I own it? You better believe it.

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