Sixteen years ago, the Clouster family was killed when a movie crew blew up the wrong house. Yes, that really happens. And yes, a crew decides to make another film right where that happened and some of the surviving — or zombified — members of the long-dead family are going to kill every acto, acrtress and craft service person who dares to start emoting.
This movie is 77 minutes long and the last ten minutes or so are a recap of the film, so I wonder if this is a parable about how a second in Hell feels like an eternity in normal human understanding. There’s some serious theory of relativity going on here, as this seemingly lasts forever and I may just be still watching it and writing about it now is all a dream. In short, this movie seemingly never ends and the fact that it’s punctuated by the same rainforest sound effects despite being set nowhere near a rainforest is not lost on me.
Writer/director James Shyman also made Slash Dance. I have’t seen that yet, but my nightmare is that I insert the DVD and it ends up being Hollywood’s New Blood all over again.
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Let me tell you, you’re in for another slog and a half should you ever muster up the courage needed to take on Slash Dance, my friend. It’s scored with two (main) musical “themes” and you’re going to hear them A LOT. Like, A LOT LOT. They’re torture. Truth be told, I think SD is worth seeing for some of the dumb-fun stuff going on, but that’s all it has to offer. For example, when two garden-variety LA street thugs attempt to harass/molest our heroine, one of them preps himself by removing his eyebrows, an action accompanied by the loud sounds of velcro being pulled apart! So, in the right frame of mind it’s bearable, like Evil Laugh or Horror House On Highway 5.
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