How can sharks get into a cornfield? Who would name their town Druid Hills? Why would you let a serial killer sit in the back of your police car? How did Stonehenge get to Kentucky?

Tim Ritter (Hi-Death is his last movie we reviewed, but his career goes all the way back to Day of the Reaper which was shot for $1,000 in 1984) wrote and directed this one and man, that poster really speaks to me. There’s also a great scene where a computer shows the sharks swimming through the rows of corn and it looks a lot like Frogger. And man, how many lines from Jaws can you get into a movie?

There’s a serial killer named Teddy Bo Lucas, an FBI agent with his own agenda, shark cults, Bigfoot and a scene that has so much surface noise that it sounds like they put more noise over the top of it to hide it, which means that every word was a complete jumble. Also, lots of driving. Also — a child gets killed and sprays blood all over his dinosaur frisbee while his parents hold one another and cry. Also, still more driving around.

I mean, the main character’s name is Sheriff Scheider. If that makes you laugh, then this is completely the movie for you.

Somehow, there is no Malaki Kintner.

You can buy this from SRS Cinema.