BRUNO MATTEI WEEK: Gatta Ala Pari (1993)

Ninì Grassia may have wrote, produced and wrote the music for this film, but in moments you can tell that it was directed by our pal Bruno Mattei, who didn’t even use one of his many names and just went anonymous (although Gianni Cozzolino, who did second unit on Mattei’s Legittima Vendetta and Omicidio al Telefono is listed as the director on IMDB).

Suria and her sister Nancy (Cristina Barsacchi, First Action Hero) are two young women from a wealthy family with very diferent love lives. Nancy plans to marry Roger, while Suria and her husband James (Antonio Zequila, who shows up in so many of Mattei’s softcore nineties output) constantly sleep around on one another.

Their lives change when Roger runs over a woman named Baby Ryan, which is the most hilarious character name I’ve heard of in some time. She’s played by Malù, the former adult star Ramba who is attempting to go legit. Yes, working with Bruno Mattei can be considered going legit.

The truth is that Baby Ryan is really Frank’s — the guardian of Suria’s villa — lover, but Frank is sleeping with Suria and this young girl gets intertwined into everyone’s lives, learning that James wants to sleep with her when he isn’t also having a bedroom rodeo with his secretary and maid.

But oh, the truth takes this movie from just a sexy Cinemax film to the realm of the giallo, as Baby Ryan is actually James’ sister. Their mother died young because she was so disgusted with her son, which is a very Italian mother reason for dying. That means that everyone decides to set him up with an orgy, because just divorcing the guy is not enough, convincing Frank that his sister has given him some oral cuddling, which is somehow a punishable offense in Italy. You’d never guess that from their movies, but there you go. Frank is shamed and everyone decides to live together and there will never be any jealousy issues or weirdness ever again.

If you ever wonder, what exactly is a Bruno Mattei completist, it would be the person who sought out this movie, found it and posted it to numerous internet sites. That would be me. I probably should be ashamed of my addiction.

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