LEE MAJORS WEEK: Jean (2016)

Sure, the IMDB description says, “A young girl and her dog make a daring journey into the wilderness where she discovers the true meaning of nature, sacrifice and life.”

The truth is that this movie feels like it was shot cinéma vérité style, with no one cluing the grandfather that he was in an actual movie as he rants and raves. He also has flashbacks to when he was young and was in a gang that continually yells, “The strength of the wolf is the pack! The strength of the pack is the wolf!”

Also, this is a family-friendly movie that features a young girl nearly dying and a dog being bitten by a snake not just once, but twice and the second time, we know it’s coming which makes seeing a gorgeous animal brought low twice as painful.

Then, after we go through a journey through the desert that feels like we just did it ourselves, the film becomes about a prom and Jean’s date’s sister fixing her up in what should be Pretty Woman style mirth but ends up feeling like the central relationship in Bound if you know what I’m talking about — and as the great man says — and I think you do.

Wait, I can hear you wondering, “Where is Lee Majors?”

He plays a rock.

I’m not joking, Majors is the voice of a Spiritual Stone that ends up fixing everything. I have no idea who wants to see a movie where a young girl nearly loses her dog, goes to the prom, loses her grandfather and there’s a rock with the same voice as Steve Austin.

But man, I’m glad I saw it, because the scene still makes me laugh just remembering it.

You can watch this on Tubi. And you totally should, but you know, do all the drugs first.

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