SLASHER MONTH: Hospital Massacre (1982)

How many names can one movie have? A bunch, because this is also known as X-Ray, Be My Valentine Or Else and Ward 13. It’s directed by Boaz Davidson, the man who was behind Lemon Popsicle and its depressing as anything American version The Last American Virgin. That name brought me joy when it was on screen, just as much as seeing the Cannon name before the credits sent me into paroxysms of joy.

Back in 1961, a boy named Harold gave Susan Jeremy a valentine and when she made fun of it with her friend David, he breaks in and hangs her friend from a hatstand.

Susan grew up to be four-time Playboy covergirl Barbi Benton (Deathstalker). Well, that’s who is playing her. She’s just gotten divorced and has to head in for some routine tests at a hospital. Literally, the minute she walks in, an evil doctor laughs while looking at pictures of her as a kid.

Better slashers have started with less.

This is the kind of movie that really uses its environment in the best way possible, as orthopedic saws send heads flying and sinks filled with acid melt faces.

If you recognize the kids from the beginning, they’re Billy Jacoby and Elizabeth Hoy who were the murderous children in Bloody Birthday, which came out the same year as this one.

You can watch this on Amazon Prime.

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