Translated as Thirsty for Love, Sex and Murder, this 1972 Turkish film is basically Sergio Martino’s The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh in an hour and with a different ending. I was astounded to learn that this movie existed, much less be able to find it. For all the horrible things you say about the internet and social media — if you do — remember that we live in a world where somehow I can now easily find Turkish remixes of Italian movies that only absolute maniacs like me are obsessed over.

Director Mehmet Aslan also made the astounding Tarkan and the Blood of the Vikings, a movie that equally has me baffled and compelled. He also made Lionman II: The Witchqueen, the sequel to Kiliç Aslan, which we know here as The Sword and the Claw.

Mine (Meral Zeren) is married to Metin (Nihat Ziyalan), but she can’t escape the sexual feelings that arise when she remembers the brutal way that Tarik (Yildirim Gencer, Kilink from Kilink: Strip and Kill) used to make love to her. Of course, Meral Zeren is no Edwige Fenech and Yildirim Gencer is no Ivan Rassimov, but that’s the very definition of a tall order. Also that sentence may be the deepest film comment I have ever made and I realize that no one in my life outside of my fellow obsessives will get it. Such is life. Such is Thirsty for Love, Sex and Murder.

Mine’s best friend Oya (Eva Bender, who was Gosha the Sorceress in Tarkan: The Gold Medallion) is the Caroll character, introducing our heroine to a new lover, Yilmaz (Kadir Inanir), who would be George Hilton for those playing at home.

There’s also a giallo-style straight razor-wielding killer, in case you were wondering. Yet even though you’ve seen this movie before, you really haven’t seen this movie before. Turkish movies are trips to the wavy mirror in a funhouse, presenting the familiar while distorting it in ways that make you see things that you adore in a whole new way.