Man, I keep watching these Blumhouse movies and I keep getting depressed by figuring out their plots minutes into them and I keep doing it to myself.

This would be a giallo, except it doesn’t have any great fashion, good music, cool camera work, leather-gloved killers, trippy colors, weird plot movements or…actually it’s not anything near a giallo. Because it kinda sucks.

Also, I realized part of the way through that I was watching House of Leaves, but a really bad version of it. I wasn’t alone. Author Mark Z. Danielewski said, “Thanks everyone for bringing to our attention this measuring scene in YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT. If it isn’t theft, can anyone point to a scene of a man measuring the inside of his house against the outside of his house in any work other than HOUSE OF LEAVES?”

Yeah.

David Koepp is the ninth-highest ranked — money-wise — screenwriter of all time. He wrote I Come In Peace, so I’ll give him a pass. Then again, he also wrote The Shadow, Secret Window, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and directed Mortdecai. Some people just keep getting chances in Hollywood. He also wrote Stir of Echoes, so maybe his work is just all over the place. He based the movie on the book You Should Have Left by Daniel Kehlmann.

This would have been in theaters for a weekend if it wasn’t for COVID-19. Man, I’ve been a downer on this one. Sorry. I just can’t quit these glossy and disappointing films.