Top Cop (1990)

Who does a Top Cop battle? Well, after he loses his partner, he goes up against a drug kingpin and his goons. There’s too much corruption. There’s too much strife. And way too many trans fat oils if this is what a top cop looked like in 1990.

Vic Malone, the top cop of the title, blows up eateries and saves women and pretty much gives his life for our entertainment, if home movies can be considered at such a high level. As the star, stunt coordinator, associate producer and special effects for this movie, Stephen P. Sides took on many roles. He did all of them probably as well as he could. Ah, Crown International, what magical BS you weave before my eyeballs giving these movies money and then somehow, decades later, they end up in my living room.

The director, Mark L. Maness, has the nickname of Chunky. He’s the kind of affable dude who wears a t-shirt under a blazer and is given to quotes like, “Dreams are the fabric from which we can weave our reality.”

If by fabric, you mean Cottonnelle, then yes, fabric.

Somehow, Leonard Maltin said that this was the best erotic thriller of 1990. So, if this movie teaches you anything, it’s that even Leonard Maltin can be swayed by blow, both in the occupation and the noun forms of the word.

Much like so many of the movies we’re watching this week, this is available on the Mill Creek Explosive Cinema set. If you’re feeling as sadomasochistic as me, it’s the best movie that I’ve ever seen set in Arkansas about drug-fighting cops with type 2 diabetes.

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