A group of terrorists led by Abdul (one of Iran’s most well-known actors, Behrouz Vossoughi, who also played Petko on TV’s Falcon Crest) kidnaps Margaret the First Daughter while she’s shopping on Rodeo Drive. She’ll only be released if the President — played by William Smith from Grave of the Vampire and Invasion of the Bee Girls — releases Abdul’s men who are by held by the Israeli’s as terrorists.

The President doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. Instead, he calls in the FBI, the LAPD and Stallone.

Frank Stallone.

Frank Stallone stops singing doo wop on the alleys of Philadelphia long enough to become Hack Stone, a former CIA operative who now runs a martial arts school. Back when he worked in the Middle East, he and Abdul were the best of friends. Sadly, they arrested four men and Hack wanted to take them to trial. Abdul wanted to kill them. Two escaped and killed Abdul’s wife and son, so now the two former best friends are archenemies.

The LAPD is led by Captain Stills, who is the magical Cameron Mitchell, snarling and dropping f bombs in every scene. He’s perfect in this movie, doing what he does best, making a movie that’s boring into something so strange that you can’t stop watching it.

This is a movie where terrorists decide to hold the President’s baby girl in an old bean factory. That’s right. That’s actually the plot. But hey — that poster is pretty great, right? Sometimes, if you can’t say anything nice, compliment the poster.

You can watch this on Tubi and Amazon Prime.