Goldilocks and the Three Bares (1963)

Before treating the world to the delights of Blood Feast, the team of Herschell Gordon Lewis and David F. Friedman would introduce us all to the world’s first nudist musical. Before Something Weird Video found this movie, it had been lost for 36 years. In the book Taste of Blood: The Films of Herschell Gordon Lewis, author Christopher Wayne Curry said that he hoped the film would be found one day, to which Lewis replied, “Oh my, I hope not.”

Nightclub singer Eddie Livingston is after press agent Alison Edwards until he learns the dark secret that she’s a nudist. However, his friend, the comic (I use that term incredibly loosely) Tommy Sweetwood sees the joy of the nudist life and plays Cupid to the couple, getting Eddie and Alison to enjoy all manner of activities in their birthday suits, like riding on a boat, swimming ,water skiing and even riding a horse. Soon, they’re in love and all is aces, baby.

This film sadly displays little of the fun that Lewis would later employ in his films. It’s almost like you’re waiting for Faud Ramses to show up and start eating tongues.

That said, I kind of love that former light heavyweight champion Joey Maxim is presented as such a big deal in the film. Watch as he reads his lines off the cuff of his shirt! That said, Maxim had a pretty great boxing career, including defeating British boxer Freddie Mills in a match for the aforementioned title. That match was the last of Mills career, as Maxim hit him so hard that three of Mills’ teeth became embedded in one of his gloves.

How strange that what was taboo and sexy in 1963 is quaint and nearly boring today. But hey — a nudie-cutie musical! That’s something, right?

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