Saint Bernard (2013)

Writer/producer/director Gabe Bartalos’ award-winning FX career spans everything from films like the Leprechaun series, Brain Damage and Frankenhooker to Brain DeadDollsThe Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2The CaveHappy Hell Night and Gremlins 2: The New Batch. He was even the Muck Man in Spookies!

Now, he finally is bringing his long-in-production film Saint Bernard to video thanks to Severin Films. Prepare your eyes and brain, if you can!

An orchestra conductor named Bernard spends the film descending further and further into chaos, insanity and surrealistic imagery, aided and abetted by Bartalos’ FX talent. Also: Bernard finds a Saint Bernard head on the side of the road that he puts in a bag and takes with him everywhere.

If you’re one of those people that demand a film that makes sense, you may want to look elsewhere. For those of us willing to descend down this portal, we’ll be rewarded with a phantasmagorical odyssey into the heart of, well, something pretty fucked up.

Warwick Davis — yes, from Willow — shows up, as does Andy Kaufman co-conspirator Bob Zmuda and the Damned. Bartalos created the Leprechaun and Tony Clifton makeup, so it makes sense that he was able to get those talents in here, if anything makes sense in this movie.

Basically, all I can tell you is that Bernard is a conducted attuned to the universe who has a bad performance due to his suit being filled with drugs and then he descends into a journey that introduces him from everything to a money-obsessed priest to the charms of Miss Roadkill.

The funny thing is, as disgusting as some of these set pieces get, they’re all gorgeous. It’s one thing to create these art installation-like sets. It’s quite another to frame and shoot them in a way that pushes them even further up the ladder of art.

Again — this isn’t for everyone. I’d compare it to an absolute movie in the style of Jodorowsky and that’s no small praise.

Want to learn more? You can visit the film’s official Facebook page, official site or buy it now from Severin.

DISCLAIMER: We were sent this movie by its PR team, but that has no impact on our review.

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