The Killing of Satan (1983)

Lando San Miguel just got out of jail and he’s already been given an impossible task. Hunt down and kill Satan. Not someone named Satan. Yep. The devil himself.

Luckily, Lando’s uncle takes a bullet meant for him and gives him all of his powers. Of course, he has to deal with the devil’s men taking his wife and daughter after killing his son. Lando says stuff like, “Every day I pray to God that he doesn’t fill me with murderous rage again.” Guess what? God is sending you to kill Satan! You better get ready, Lando.

His big power is to make spirals come out of his hands that deflect bullets. Sure the bullets still leave holes in his shirt. But at least they don’t kill him.

There’s also a dude along for the ride whose wife gets turned into one of Satan’s slaves, so the dude makes her breasts explode. Yes, that really happens.

Lando also meets God, who gives him a powerful weapon: a stick. This allows him to fight more dudes and a woman who turns into a dog before battling Satan, who is getting ready to marry his kidnapped daughter.

There’s also a scene where a snake gets tied into a knot. So there’s that.

80 minutes of a horrible movie. One great poster. And that’s about it. I don’t know if you should waste your time, but if you choose to, it’s on Amazon Prime.

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