Directed and written by Manny Coto, who still writes for American Horror Stories and directed Star Kid, Dr. Giggles and Zenon: The Zequel, “Mournin’ Mess” is about Dale Sweeney (Steven Weber), one of those drunken and scummy reporters that movies always have. He works for The Evening Globe who has assigned him to cover the Grateful Homeless, Outcasts, and Unwanteds Layaway Society and the new cemetery they are opening. He has the hots for their spokeswoman Jess Gilchrist (Rita Wilson) and buys int their goal of giving dead people a proper burial.

“Ah, there you are! You’re just in time! I’m trying out a few recipes from my new Betty Croaker cookbook. I hope you like shish-ka-bob. Damn! It isn’t ready yet! Bob’s still moving! Tonight’s foul feast will begin with mashed potatoes, then move onto some shrieking duck, and finish with a nice kill-basa. I call this tasty tidbit: “Mournin’ Mess.””

The issue is that Dale is a mess. He loses his job and soon meets an unhoused man named Roebuck (Vincent Schiavelli) who tells him that all of the city’s poor are being targeted by a serial killer. As it is, Roebuck is the prime suspect, but he claims that if Dale goes to the new cemetery at night, he will discover the truth, which will allow him to get his job back. Dale of course screws all this up and gets Roebuck killed and buried in that same cemetery, as he was too busy sleeping with Jess to meet him. He also loses his house and has to beg his old boss Elaine Tillman (Ally Walker) for his job.

That’s when he realizes that the Grateful Homeless, Outcasts, and Unwanteds Layaway Society spells ghouls and they eat his ear as he escapes. He finds Jess and tries to save her, only for her to eat his face.

Oh Dale. If you just stayed in the cemetery and met him Roebuck, you could have had the story that let you expose everything and be a success all over again, Roebuck would clear his name and you’d both be alive. Hope that sex was worth it.

The original story was in Tales from the Crypt #38 and was also called “Mournin’ Mess.” Written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Graham Ingels.