Tag Archives: 2014

Bikini Girls vs. Dinosaurs (2014)

Posted on by

Solara (Kul Sarai), Tansy (Toria Pardoe) and Cala (Hannah Robson) are space princesses who have their future thrones taken from them when their stepmother, Voluptina (Caroline Vella), sends them through a black hole and into the past, where she hopes they’ll be eaten by dinosaurs.

This is just an hour, and everyone stays in bikinis. Also, because this is British, they’re really pale — I love that — so if you’re expecting tanned American ladies battling giant monsters, well…no… no. I watched this because I thought it would be suitable for one of my kaiju day movies, yet this didn’t even have great monsters.

Like I said, it’s an hour.

You can watch this on Tubi.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 30: In Fear (2014)

Posted on by

30. A Horror Film Where the Killer Murders with his Bare Hands

Tom (Iain De Caestecker) and Lucy (Alice Englert) haven’t been dating long, but on their way to a concert, they get caught in a loop, continually ending back at the same place, while Lucy is sure that she sees a man in a white mask. They pick up a man named Max (Allen Leech), who claims to be hunted by the same masked person, but turns out to be that maniac and can manipulate reality. They barely escape him, as he breaks Tom’s wrist.

Lucy and Tom try to hide in the woods after their car runs out of gas. However, Tom is taken by Max, and Lucy barely makes it back. When she flees, she stops to check the trunk. Tom is inside, dead, bound with a hose in his mouth so that he’s been breathing the car’s fumes. The next morning, Lucy sees Max on the road and drives directly toward him.

The leads were not told what would happen to their characters during filming, as it was shot in sequence. Their reactions are real.

This was directed and written by Jeremy Lovering (with Jon Croker co-writing), who was second unit director on Hot Fuzz and Last Night In Soho. This is a fine film, one mostly inside a car, with actors improving so much of their parts. It’s one that needs to be seen by a wider audience.

You can watch this on Tubi.

2025 Scarecrow Psychotronic Challenge Day 19: Cub (2014)

Posted on by

19. THE ABANDONED PLACE: This spooky classic trope that must inhabit tonight’s viewing.

Sam (Maurice Luijten) is abused by his fellow Cub Scouts, like pack leader Peter (Stef Aerts). This disruption causes the scouts to be lost in the mountains, just as two of the older scouts start telling ghost stories. One of them, about a werewolf child, leads to Sam running away, only to find a feral child  (Gill Eeckelaert), the son of a poacher (Jan Hammenecker). Together, they have filled the forest with traps.

The Scouts en Gidsen Vlaanderen, the Flemish Boy Scouts, condemned the “all ages” rating this film was awarded and asked parents not to allow their children to see it. They totally saw it. I mean, it’s a slasher. Kids are going to see it even more if you tell them no.

With a striking poster, I had wanted to see this for years. While the tone isn’t always consistent—it tries for humor at times, then shifts away from it, only to work back toward it and then launches harrowing moments and a surprising ending—it’s still different with death machines all over the woods.

The first film directed by Jonas Govaerts, it reflects his influences, particularly when a Scout leader’s ringtone is the Goblin theme from Suspiria.

THE IMPORTANT CINEMA CLUB’S SUPER SCARY MOVIE CHALLENGE DAY 18: Shark Exorcist (2014)

Posted on by

18. A Supernatural Shark Movie

When your movie starts with a nun sacrificing someone and asking for Satan to send her an avenger, you know I’m going to like it. And when the devil sends a shark, you know I’ll love it. And the nun is named Linda Blair? Man, Donald Farmer, you want me to marry your movie.

Ally, Lauren and Emily go on vacation in Paris Landing, TN. There, shark bites end up possessing them, even though all they want to do is join a sorority. When you get possessed by a shark, in case you didn’t know, you get shark teeth.

This ends with 11 minutes of credits and 5 minutes of a woman looking at stuffed sharks in a gift shop, which seems very ASMR and chill after the hour of nudity and shark attacks we’ve lived through.

The idea for this seems so good; the open and close with the nun are great, and everything in between is painful. Alas — shark movies need more Satan.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Buzzard (2014)

Posted on by

Aug 18-24 indie comix week: When I was a kid, I used to read Mad Magazine and Cracked, so when I got a little older, it didn’t take much convincing to pick up Eightball and Hate. I’m an OG in the “complaining about superheroes” game and my scars were anointed on the Comics Journal message board!

Marty Jackitansky (Joshua Burge) is stuck in the corporate world, working for a bank, turning to crime to keep things from getting to him. He’s even taken checks from the bank itself and is making small amounts of money by writing fraudulent amounts. Then he goes into hiding in his friend Derek’s (Joel Potrykus, who directed and wrote the movie) basement, playing video games and making a Nintendo Power Glove into a Freddy weapon by adding knives.

There’s a three-minute scene here where Marty just eats spaghetti in bed, getting it all over himself, that is just incredible. There are long stretches in this where nothing happens, so when something does, it’s violent and shocking and just makes you want to be patient during the slowness. Plus, Marty wears a Demons shirt for most of the movie and even if he is a violent jerk, you can forgive him some of his crimes due to this fashion moment.

You can watch this on YouTube.

Sizzlin’ Summer of Side-Splitters 2025: Going to America (2014)

Posted on by

July 21-27 Eddie Griffin Week: This motherfucker is funny!

Fumnanya (Eddie Griffin) — a would-be African prince, so this isn’t ripping off the other Eddie’s movie — and Andy (Josh Meyers) escape from their doctor and mental hospital to go on the road with a video camera, making a movie about saving a princess. She turns out to be Candy (Najarra Townsend), a sex worker who is tired of being alive and wants the two to help her end it all. Their movies end up going viral on YouTube and they earn the anger of her pimp Rocco (Dave Vescio), who wants his property back.

Originally titled “Last Supper,” this film was directed by Param Gill, who also wrote the script alongside John Buchanan. It was based on a Slovenian movie, which was supposedly the biggest in the country’s history, yet I can find no information on it online.

This is one of those sweet and saccharine comedies with romance at its core. It’s fine, but it feels like everyone could be doing so much more.

Penny Marshall also shows up in a cameo as herself.

You can watch this on Tubi.

Naked After Midnight (2014)

Posted on by

Who was still making erotic thrillers after the internet was in everyone’s home?

Fred Olen Ray, that’s who.

Also known as After Midnight, this has Constance (Catherine Annette) learning her exotic dancing twin sister has been killed, which means she has to become a dancer herself to learn whodunnit. She gets the job easily, as Rikki (Tawny Kitaen) sees how hot she is and makes it happen. Rikki didn’t know, however, that Constance has been taken over by the personality of her dead sister and is getting revenge on the mean dancers and scummy men who ruined said sister’s life; only Dr. Sam (Richard Grieco) can figure this all out.

This is of the genre within a genre of erotic thrillers: strippers in danger. This is different than sex workers in peril.

The bar the girls dance at is called the Candy Cat. There’s a supernatural twist. Every woman in the case is naked except for Kitaen. If you expect anything other than straight-to-streaming — by way of straight-to-video — softcore, your expectations are beyond high. If you want to be entertained, it will do that. As for me, I would love for more of these movies to be made, so I have to support it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

APRIL MOVIE THON 4: Lumber vs. Jack (2014)

Posted on by

April 13: (Evil) Plant Appreciation Day — It ain’t easy being green. Pay tribute to all the plants with a movie starring one of them.

Directed, written, and starring Jason Liquori, Lumber vs. Jack is the story of Jack Woods, who finds himself saving his wife Jill (Debbie Rochon) from genetically modified trees. Now he and Brad (Brewier Welch) must go deep into the forest, rescue Michelle and Jody (Michelle Prenez and Jennifer Wenger) and join entymologist Sheila (Christina Daoust) to take out all of the vines and trees and whatever else has grown into something that wants to kill humans.

The main problem is that the sound quality is all over the place. But you know, it’s an evil plants movie. Liquori came up with the idea the first year that he lived in the mountains of North Carolina. The leaves just kept coming back, and it felt so strange to him. Then he made this.

There’s also a sequel, Jack vs. Pumpkins, with Monique Parent in it. You know I’m looking for it.

You can watch this on Tubi.

For the Plasma (2014)

Posted on by

Directed by Bingham Bryant and Kyle Molzan, this has a wild concept: Helen (Rosalie Lowe) has been hired to sit in a home and watch CCTV footage of the forest of Maine to ensure that no fires happen. Yet, she can tell when economic shifts will occur when she shifts her focus. She brings in her friend Charlie (Annabelle Lemieux) to reconnect. Still, they have issues when Charlie wonders why so many of the monetary elite keep calling and visiting and demanding that Helen explain to them what the stock market’s future will bring.

Why are there frames in the forest? What’s the deal with the lighthouse keeper Herbert (Tom Lloyd)? Is it way too arty by having so much of Kobo Abe’s The Ark Sakura in it? Is there a ghost in the house? Is one of the girls dating the ex-boyfriend of the other? How about that soundtrack by Keiichi Suzuki?

This is either something you will hate with all of your heart or love in equal opposition. It’s a slow-moving, shot-in Super 16mm movie that has me obsessed. I know exactly who would love this, and I’ll tell them about it, and who will hate it, so I’ll make sure to not inform them. As for me, I’ll probably end up watching it at least two more times. What a strange concept and an even odder way of bringing it to life. There’s a review on IMDB that says, “This is terrible, you should watch it!” I wouldn’t go that far, but you should challenge yourself with it.

You can buy this from Vinegar Syndrome and watch it on Tubi.

The Falling (2014)

Posted on by

Directed and written by Carol Morley, this stars Maisie Williams and Florence Pugh in early roles as Lydia Lamont and Abbie Mortimer, classmates at a British girl school in the late 60s. Lydia is fixated on Abbie, who is already pregnant by one boy and attempts to abort it by making love to another, Lydia’s brother Kenneth (Joe Cole).

While in detention together, Abbie has a fainting spell, goes into convulsions and dies while Lydia watches. Soon, these fainting spells spread through the school, and even one young teacher has one. No one will investigate the reasons until a mass spell at an assembly closes the school. Abbie is expelled,d and soon, her mother (Maxine Peake) learns that her daughter and son are having an incestuous romance. Well, they’re only half-brother and sister, as the reasons why the mother is agoraphobic are revealed: Abbie is the child of rape.

Running through the night, the mother finally leaves the house, only to watch her daughter nearly die as she falls from a tree into a lake. It takes that to bring her back to reality, to show emotion.

According to Lancet Psychiatry, this movie is “a remarkably accurate adaption of an authentic paper, published in 1973 in the newly formed Psychological Medicine, describing an epidemic of fainting in a north London girls’ school.” That would be Hilda’s Girls’ School in Blackburn, England, in 1965.

I love how author Simon Wessley described the movie: “In the end, the film leaves no room for ambiguity that the phenomena described must reflect powerful psychological and social forces, but considerable ambiguity as to why these events unfolded as they did.”

This has echoes of Picnic at Hanging Rock, If… and The Crucible, yet it is very much its own movie. It’s filled with ideas, and I hope Morley makes something else this intense.

You can watch this on Tubi.