April 8: Zoo Lover’s Day — You know what that means. Animal attack films!

Mai (Sombat Metanee) was once on the side of the law but is now a mercenary and the leader of a gang that uses rampaging elephants to get their way. But when his pregnant wife Shu (Aranya Namwong) is taken by an even more evil criminal (keep in mind they have stolen her back and forth throughout this movie), he must work with corrupt cop Ching Ming (Yodchai Meksuwan) to rescue her.

This is kind of a Western. While most Westerns give you horse chases, this movie gives you elephants flipping cars like they’re made of cardboard and stomping goons into the dirt. In the most did I really just see that moment of the film, one unlucky stuntman gets slapped across the face with — and there’s no polite way to put this — elephant cock. It’s the kind of practical effect you just don’t get in Hollywood.

I usually associate huts exploding with the Filipino action boom of the 80s, but Thailand was light-years ahead in the blowing up grass-roofed real estate department, if this movie is to be believed. 

The version floating around on Tubi is dubbed by a single voice actor who sounds like he’s reading a grocery list while recovering from a mild sedative. He provides the voices for the hero, the villain and possibly the elephants. He was likely dubbing five other features that afternoon and had a bus to catch, so we have to cut him some slack.

Also known as Rumbling the Elephant and Kill for the Truth, this has proved what I have always believed. Elephants make everything better. Whether they are being used as tactical assault vehicles, just hanging out in the background of a shootout or just standing still while a man runs face-first into their veiny pricks, they bring a dignity to the screen that the human actors just can’t match.

You can watch this on Tubi.