Back when I was a kid, I read so many Jack Chick comics. That’s because while the tracts are given away for free, the full-size comic books were always in Christian stores, and those were the only places that sold craft supplies in my small town. Chick’s Crusader comic book had six issues about Alberto Rivera, an anti-Catholic religious activist who was the source of many of Chick’s anti-Catholic theories.

Rivera claimed that he was sent to a Catholic seminary at the age of seven, and two years later, as his mother lay dying, she reportedly saw ugly creatures swarming her deathbed and realized she was headed for a Christless eternity on account of being Catholic. At her grave, nine-year-old Alberto promised to discover the truth. But before that, the Vatican sent him as a deep-cover priest with the mission of infiltrating Protestant organizations and sabotaging their leaders.

This is when Alberto learned that the Vatican was behind Freemasonry, and they worship the Virgin Mary because they’re really simping for the Whore of Babylon. In 1965, he denounced the church in a stadium filled with 50,000 people, going to war with the Jesuits, who, like the NWO, if you’re NWO, you’re NWO for life. They tortured him so severely that his lungs collapsed and he went into an iron lung. As Radiohead sang, “Faith, you’re driving me away. You do it every day. You don’t mean it, but it hurts like hell.”

Alberto asked Jesus for forgiveness, was miraculously healed, and so moved a Jesuit official that he was allowed to escape Spain and rescue his sister Maria, a nun who had also been targeted by the church, and barely made it through as she was “…bleeding to death from flagellation and other mistreatment.” Also: Jim Jones was a Jesuit.

But let’s ask Cornerstone magazine for the, well, gospel truth. “Is Alberto’s story true? No! Our intensive investigation reveals his police record, his investment schemes, his bad check‑writing, his contradictory testimony, his fabricated educational record, and his reported family abuse.”

Alberto’s story was inconsistent and shifted over time. In a 1964 statement, he claimed to have left the Catholic Church in July of 1952. Yet later, he said it was 1967, which is not a minor tweak, you know? But even after 1967, he continued promoting the Catholic Church.

Rivera had some documentation that he said proved he was a priest. It didn’t.

His sister was a maid, not a nun.

He claimed he was a priest in 1963, but he was really married with children in the U.S.

Rivera may have lied — or stretched the truth– or been compromised by a global conspiracy — about those things, but he had no problem saying the Jesuit order was behind, well, everything. Communism? Jesuits. Islam? Jesuits. Nazism? Also Jesuits.

World Wars, economic recessions, Jonestown and the assassinations of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, who was Catholic? Jesuits.

He claimed that the Catholic Church was hard at work spreading homosexuality and abortion, plus some mic drops like how the popes are all antichrists and the Catholic Church worships the Whore of Babylon (two mentions in one article, so SEO scores will be high for this). Alberto was also ahead of the curve of being all in on hating Islam, as he claimed that Muhammad was manipulated by the Catholic Church to invent Islam as a tool to destroy Jews and rival Christians, and that Muhammad’s first wife, Khadijah, was a Catholic nun stationed at an Arabian monastery, acting on instructions from a bishop to marry Muhammad and launch a new religion.

But how far could Rivera go? How about the idea that the Vatican staged Fatima and picked the town because it’s the name of Muhammad’s daughter? And they also hired a Muslim killer to murder Pope John Paul II in the hopes that the guilt of that fact would make more Muslims Catholic. But aren’t they all a Catholic scheme?

This is old school non-right-wing conspiracy madness, the kind I love the most. The kind where Alberto would claim that people were constantly breaking into his home. And when he joined up with Jack Chick, well, things went wild. Obviously, the Vatican did more than start Islam. Communism, the Masons, the KKK, the mob, the Illuminati, the New Age movement, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons…they made them all. And they can’t wait to start a new inquisition.

These claims were so over the top that there was a protest by both Catholics and Evangelicals to the point that Catholic and even Protestant bookstore owners removed Chick’s product. In response, My Name? . . . In the Vatican? was released, in which Chick doubled down.

Catholic Answers said, “The impact of Alberto Rivera on Jack Chick’s universe is difficult to underestimate. It was Rivera who provided Chick with his most sensationalistic, most anti-Catholic claims and allowed Chick’s conspiracy theories to grow increasingly complex and bizarre.”

Anyways…Elijah’s Secret.

The YouTube description for this movie says, “Please enjoy this free SD screener. By watching this, you agree to share your thoughts about this Christian-based film by writing a review and posting it on AT LEAST one of the following sites: YouTube (comment section), the Harmberg Brothers website (link below), Facebook (please tag #elijahssecret and #harmbergbrothers), Twitter, your blog, and any other applicable websites. Furthermore, if you like what you see (we are confident you will), please tell your friends, family, church congregation(s), coworkers, etc., about this film and send them the website link. Thank you, we are looking forward to reading your review(s)!”

Let’s do this.

Professor Elijah Steinbeck (Wayne Harmberg, the writer and producer) has a secret. He’s not really a Baptist preacher. Instead, he’s a Jesuit who has been tasked with converting the church from the inside out as well as controlling the soul by conducting human trials.

He never counted on Captain Christopher Holmes (Casey Harmberg, who directed, wrote, produced, and did the wardrobe). Holmes is more than just a U.S. Army officer. He’s also a writer for Stars and Stripes and a God-fearing American.

According to the official site, “Additionally, this movie was filmed entirely on an iPhone 6S (a new and rapidly growing technique among filmmakers), making it among the very first feature-length films to be shot this way. It was also edited using Cyberlink PowerDirector 14, a state-of-the-art editing software with 3D, CGI and picture-enhancing capabilities. Prepare to be stunned!”

Forget being stunned, you will be gobsmacked by high-ranking Jesuit overlords meeting in public parks with no mics, clad in hoods that resemble hoodies more than holy vestments. This is also packed with footage from other anti-Jesuit films, a scene where our hero reads the Jack Chick publication The Secret History of the Jesuits and the kind of special effects that would make Neil Breen laugh.

Obviously, I wrote over a thousand words about this, and I’m going to watch it for the third time in a row.

You can watch this on YouTube.