9. MASTER OF DISASTER: Watch any Irwin Allen offering.

The crew of the tugboat Jenny — Captain Mike Turner (Michael Caine), First Mate Wilbur Hubbard (Walter Matthau) and passenger Celeste Whitman (Sally Field) — spot the rescue helicopter saving the Poseidon passengers from the first movie, just in time to claim salvage rights.

They’re soon joined by Dr. Stefan Svevo (Tally Savalas), a Greek Orthodox missionary here to save anyone on board. Poor Stella Stevens, we see her dead body from the first movie as the teams cut through the hull. Somehow, more people have survived than the first movie, as we have ship nurse Gina Rowe (Shirley Jones), wine steward Dewey “Tex” Hopkins (Slim Pickens), elevator operator Larry Simpson (Mark Harmon), Frank and Theresa Mazzetti (Peter Boyle and Angela Cartwright), Harold and Hannah Meredith (Jack Warden and Shirley Knight), and Suzanne Constantine (Veronica Hamel).

The truth is that Stevo is on board to take plutonium and he soon kills one of his own employees, Suzanne, when she tries to reveal the plan. As you can imagine, hardly anyone survives, seeing how this is an Irwin Allen movie.

Soon after the first film came out, Allen said there would be a sequel in which the survivors would take part in a hearing on the disaster in Austria. While on a train to the hearing, a miles-long mountain tunnel would collapse, leaving the survivors of the train trapped inside. Could people have worse luck?

Roger Ebert said, “But what did we really, sincerely, expect anyway, from a movie in which Karl Malden plays a character named Wilbur, and Slim Pickens plays a character named Tex? If you can think of a single line of dialogue that Slim Pickens, as Tex, wouldn’t say in Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, please do not miss this movie, which will be filled with amazements and startling revelations.”

It’s mostly Michael Caine shouting at Sally Field, who loves him anyway.