EDITOR’S NOTE: Good Girls Don’t was on USA Up All Night on November 26, 1993; July 22, 1994; March 11 and September 9, 1995; March 2 and October 4, 1996; June 21 and December 5, 1997.

Outside of Chuck Vincent, Rick Sloane may be the perfect USA Up All Night director. Sure, his movies promise sin, but really, they’re comedic blasts of happiness, more innocent than you’d expect.

This was made directly in the middle of the Vice Academy series and feels like it’s in the same cinematic universe. Jeannie (Renée Estevez, sister of Charlie, Emilio and Ramon; she’s also in Intruder) is an innocent secretary. Betina (Julia Parton, yes, the cousin of Dolly, who also did adult under this name as well as Rachel Weis, Julia Jartouer, Rachel Welles, June Bauer and Nina Alexander; she was the “publisher” of High Society and is in Vice Academy 3 and 4; you’re never going to see Dolly’s sweater meat without a sweater, so the thrill is gettign close. That said, she’s a good singer and a fun actress!) is the exotic dancer who has seen it all.

Jeannie’s boss wants her to hire a stripper, so she goes to the club where Betina works, and at first, they have no common ground. The boss doesn’t pay Betina for dancing, Jeannie fights him over his salary, then he ends up dead, and the two of them are the suspects.

Jeannie’s ex is a cop named Montana (Christopher Knight?!?) who starts chasing the two. There’s also Wilamena (Mary Woronov!) and her henchmen, one of whom is Rico Constantino, who was on American Gladiators and would go on to be Rico in WWE.

Can this get any better? What is Elizabeth Kaitan was a TV announcer?

You may wonder…will Jeannie fall for Cody (Dan Wildman), the good cop? Will Julia Parton sing? Will her hair look amazing? How many times will her top explode off and reveal her chest unfettered? How loud did I yell when Jayne Hamil showed up, basically playing Miss Thelma Louise Devonshire? Tamara Clatterbuck and Honey Lauren are also in this, so it’s either a meta shout-out for the Vice Academy fans or more likely they filmed this at the same time as one of those movies.

Look — life has not been fun lately. Rick Sloane made these cartoony and sexy movies as time capsules to return us to our youth when we were closer to the cradle than the grave. We owe him thanks. We owe everyone in his movies thanks.

You can watch this on Tubi.