The ninth Conjuring movie and the end of the series — after The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It — takes another real-life event, the haunting of the Smurl family of West Pittston, PA, and brings it into the universe of these films.

The Smurls believed that a demon was bothering their home, causing loud sounds, foul smells, throwing their dog into a wall (this happens in the movie, and, as always, when a horror movie attacks a dog, it’s cheap heat), and physically and sexually attacking nearly everyone. By 1986, Ed and Lorraine Warren came a calling, as was their wont, finding a dark mass in the home.

According to Wikipedia, Professor Paul Kurtz of State University of New York at Buffalo and then-chairman of the Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal, when consulted, claimed that the Warrens “weren’t objective, independent, or impartial investigators and characterized the Smurls’ claims as a hoax, a charade, a ghost story. Kurtz said that the family’s claims were possibly due to delusions, hallucinations or brain impairment, and advised that they submit themselves to psychiatric and psychological examinations.”

Later, it was reported that Jack had surgery to remove water from his brain in 1983 due to a case of meningitis in his youth.

Along with the Warrens and newspaper writer Robert Curran, they wrote a book titled The Haunted, which was adapted into the 1991 TV movie of the same name.

But hey, let’s talk about this movie.

Somehow, this works the Smurl story into a never-told Ed and Lorraine (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) piece of lore. In 1964, an evil mirror almost killed them and caused the stillbirth of their daughter Judy, who came back to life, which was a miracle. Fast forward and Judy (Mia Tomlinson) is getting ready to get married to Tony Spera (Ben Hardy), Ed has heart issues and Lorraine doesn’t want them to do their job any longer.

It takes the death of Father Gordon (Steve Soulter) and their daughter going to the home of the Smurls — Jack (Elliot Cowan), Janet (Rebecca Calder), Heather (Kíla Lord Cassidy), Shannon (Molly Cartwright), Dawn (Beau Gadsdon), Carin (Tilly Walker), grandma (Kate Fahy) and grandpa (Peter Wight) — to bring them into the story. That said, the demon that has come into the house via a haunted mirror (is this Mirror, Mirror 5?) and has made teenage girls throw up blood really wants Judy.

Also: This triggered me because I have moved many large and heavy objects like that mirror and nearly dropped it onto people’s feet. It made my back hurt watching this.

Director Michael Chaves has been in charge of this series since The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, as he also directed The Nun II. The first two movies in this series are exceptionally well-made because James Wan knew what he was doing. The art direction was great and new characters like Annabelle — who appears in this for no apparent reason, multiple times, other than for fan service — could have been spun off. Here we are with a creaky, way too long film that seemingly never knows when to end. I mean, at 2 hours and 15 minutes, it takes forever to get to the haunting parts, and those just end up being expected. It’s a slow decline to what started off so string.

Speaking of fan service, at the wedding of Judy and Tony, you can see Carolyn and Cindy Perron (Lili Taylor and Mackenzie Foy) from The Conjuring, Peggy and Janet Hodgson (Frances O’Connor) from The Conjuring 2 and David Glatzel (Julian Hilliard) from The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It. James Wan is also there; earlier, you can see the honest Judy and Tony at Ed’s birthday party.

A Judy and Tony spinoff feels like it’s definite. Maybe real life will kill more people so we get new stories, because comedian Matt Rife and YouTube personality Elton Castee bought the Warren estate and will be the legal guardians of all the artifacts until at least 2030. Rife claims that people will be able to spend the night in their museum. This came quickly after a tour with Annabelle led to the death of its handler, Dan Rivera. Maybe we shouldn’t mess with demons. Did we learn nothing from these movies?

This doesn’t mention the negative side of the Warrens — like Judith Penney, who lived in the house for years as Ed’s lover — other than to say that the Warrens were controversial.

As a professional wrestler, I was taught to always have my gear with me at all times, because you never know when you may need to wrestle. When the Warrens arrive at the Smurl house, and they’re not even supposed to be there, Ed goes into the trunk and he has his bag packed, just in case. What a worker. Every wrestler and conman (the same thing) can learn that from this movie.

Sometimes, the familiar is a warm blanket feeling. But here, it feels like old sweatpants covered with stains. They feel OK, but you feel like a moron wearing them. I went into this expecting nothing and as a famous mad scientist once said, I received it in abundance.