I have sworn not to go Amityville on these Popeye movies or the Mickey Mouse Steamboat Willie slashers and here I am, watching one.

Directed and written by Paul Stephen Mann, this takes place in 1986 — a strange choice, stay with it — as Olive Oyl (Amy Mackie) and her brother Castor (Brendan Nelson) go camping to watch Hailey’s Comet.

They already have Popeye and now they need a comet to land in his pipe and transform him?

Anyways, Popeye goes total Victor Crowley and rips heads off. He also likes to shit down their necks, which I don’t remember ever happening before. Toxic waste is another of his weapons. And then Olive Oyl uses the comet to build an Ash chainsaw and saws the sailor in half before making a robot hand.

Um, yeah.

I appreciate all the references to 80s movies, but it’s as if they were making a slasher and ended up using a character that first showed up in 1929. Because that’s precisely what they did.

This is 65 minutes, at least. And just like Robert Altman, Mann refuses to show Popeye eat spinach, because you know, why would you have him do something that he’s expected to do? No, just make a slasher. At least they balanced the colors and the sound isn’t bad.

You can watch this on Tubi.