I want to love this movie, but I don’t.

It has everything I should love.

It’s an auteur project by Anna Biller, who directed, wrote, edited, produced, scored and designed the clothes.

It’s shot on 35mm film.

It’s about a woman discovering herself through witchcraft.

So what gives?

Elaine Parks (Samantha Robinson) is a widow returning to the dating scene. But nearly every man she gets with becomes too clingy, either having to disappear or die. Her apartment is great, her clothes and makeup are perfect, but nothing seems to work out for her.

I get what this movie is going for, but it feels so mannered and even meandering that it comes off as more like an artistic exercise than something with blood in its heart and loins. Say what you will about Eurotrash movies, but at least they got excited. This feels like it constantly tells you its references, points out where it got its color palette from, and reminds you how long it took to make all the costumes. But what about the actual movie? Do people just like this because it’s on the right side of sexual politics? Because, well, good for the movie, but that doesn’t instantly make a movie good.

There’s a time to have something important to say and not sledgehammer it home over a running time that feels like a Warhol stunt film instead of The Velvet Vampire, which this is indebted to. I could film my Letterboxd list, too, and it’d probably just as boring. But hey—this movie sure is pretty, right?

You can watch this on Tubi.