Oliver (José Llamas) and Mary (Karin Dior) just wanted to go on a honeymoon. Still, their guides, Mark (José Miguel García) and Marco (Diego Porta) lead them to the lizard god-worshipping Tobonga tribe, who also eat people. Conchita gets lashed to a sacrificial altar just in time for this story to end, and we find a trio of martial arts students led by Lina Romay. I never knew how badly I needed to see Candy Coster in a karate gi. They decide to visit the Tobongas and steal their diamonds, in case you were wondering whether or not this was a Jess Franco movie. Finally, the karate instructors kill Sylvia, the wife of the jungle guide (Mabel Escaño); Lina Romay joins forces with Oliver to rescue his wife.

That parrot that talks? That’s Jess Franco.

This movie makes no logical sense, despite what I tried to figure out above. Why is Lina with the evil drug pusher karate instructors? Is she an undercover cop? Why does she decide to help Oliver? How did Jess Franco make a movie with nearly no sex? Was he trying to make an Indiana Jones movie infused with this love of pulp? Santiago Moncada wrote this ten years before, and one day, did Jess just think, “Sure, I can make that.”

Look, I know this objectively isn’t good, but I feel better watching these movies. They make me happy, something that’s in short supply in this world. Yes, what makes me feel good is ultra-low-budget movies that make no sense, but just look at Lina dressed for karate action and tell me if you’re not moved.