What if Roddy Piper was a Navy SEAL down on his luck who got mixed up with a femme fatale played by Tawny Kitaen in an erotic thriller? Yes, this sounds like an AI movie that I’d write just for myself, but it’s real, and it’s directed by Serge Rodnunsky, who went from being part of the American Ballet Theater with Baryshnikov to making movies like Life After Sex, Rage of Vengeance and, well, this movie.

Also, His brother Jim invented the CableCam that you see moving all over the gridiron during football games.

How can this be any better? What if Trevor Goddard, Kano from Mortal Kombat, was in it? And how about if we got Ator himself, Miles O’Keefe? And Brent Huff, too? What, was Italy too busy for these guys? This is, I can definitely say, a dream cast. This movie is one of Sybil Danning or Jon Saxon, away from being a pantheon.

That said, it does have Camilla More. Yes, Tina Shepherd from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. And is that stuntman Bob Ivy Bubba Ho-Tep himself? It is! And Juan Fernández, who played The Collector and was in Kinjite? Yes.

Does what this is about even matter at this point?

I guess so, or I wouldn’t have a site.

Piper is caught between the ATF, Kitaen — who hired him to run drugs for her husband — and the drug dealers. Stick with it, the last twenty minutes are all action and Piper even unleashes some wrestling moves! Yes, I can hear you asking. Does Tawny Kitaen get naked? No. But maybe if you like Camilla More, you will enjoy this. And Piper is frequently undressed for the ladies. Or the guys.

This was a LIVE Entertainment release that also played on Showtime—thanks, as always, The Schlock Pit—and it reminds me of a better time, when you could gather all of these actors and have just the barest idea of a plot and make Dead Calm with a pro wrestler and the girl who danced on a car in a Whitesnake video.

You can watch this on YouTube.