Three trees, Gerald Benson, Jeremy Chagrin and Julian Chagrin, all get sold and put into people’s houses, only to watch children get the most boring toys of all time and then slowly die. It’s Christmas!

Director, writer and star Julian Chagrin was a mime in Blow-Up and shows up in several of the Cannon Movie Tales fairy tale movies, being the magic mirror in Snow White. I’ve watched this tons of times and never realized that Bryan Brown from Cocktail and F/X chops down the trees. I mean, they have the same name. Could it be?

Also: The female tree has oranges on it to appear as if she has breasts. The men have no sexual organs or anything like that, but get very excited by her and when they are watered. One of the trees, the fancy mustache tree, even gets ornaments put on that look like earrings.

At the end, the trees die, in the streets, and fly off to Heaven. What is in Tree Heaven? Do they have souls? What are we to learn from this, other than British dads give their kids bad gifts and that your tree is alive and always watching you?

Sheer terror, that’s what this movie is all about.

You can watch this on YouTube.