Directed by Christian Cashmir, who co-wrote the story with star Brielle Carter (who also was on second assistant camera), Elfette Saves Christmas is about an elf — yes, named Elfette — who heads to Florida on a vacation in the busiest time of the year.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Santa Claus (Quinton Aaron) has been kidnapped by an organized crime boss named Little Georgie (George Vricos), who wants Santa to stop cutting into his profits, as he now owns a company that makes pencil phones for $900. There’s also an elf hunter named Ernest Killingsworth III (Zachary Vazquez) who wants to make an elf dinner, so he starts hunting her and her best friend Sparkle (Aléa Figueroa).

I have no idea who the audience for this movie is, as the mob shoots the elves with freeze guns, which is scary enough, but then you have Santa getting tied to a chair and threatened by a crazed killer, as well as a man who loves to eat elves. Who can say. Elfette’s outfit, however, is a little something for daddy, as they say.

Who knew that elves were placed in castes with the wrapping paper elves at the lowest tier? Not me. I mean, I knew one elf who wanted to be a dentist and everyone treated him like garbage. What’s really amazing is that this movie got to Red One‘s plot five years before it did with about 5% of the budget. Then again, Santa got kidnapped is an easy story to tell, just look at Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

One plot point I want to break down and discuss: Why is Elfette the one saving the day when Sparkle is the destined one? What is she supposed to do, bring balance to the naughty and nice? Why do I base so much of my life on dumb allusions to the Star Wars prequels?

You can watch this on Tubi.