Dr. Frank Demonico (Mark C. Fullhardt) was a couples therapist in Amityville who may have killed several of the couples that he was supposedly helping.
So yes, this is a sequel to Amityville Thanksgiving and even has an opening with so many talking heads — and yes, one TV report — where various crowdfunded people get to read lines of exposition.
Directed by Will Collazo Jr. and Julie Anne Prescott, who wrote the script with David Rodriguez, this moves into a director named Rocco (Michael Ruggiere) pitching his latest movie to studio boss Ivy (Erica Dyer). He wants to make a movie called The Amityville Cannibal Thanksgiving about Demonico and make it in Amityville.
Yet as the crew starts to film, they’re killed one by one by a foul — fowl, ugh — mouthed turkey who is working with a groundskeeper named Bram (Dino Castelli). Yes, this is not just a fake Amityville, but it’s also Thankskilling without the budget.
As for the killer turkey, he’s Frank Jr. (Steven Kiseleski) and he’s not above using a chainsaw to murder his victims. I liked him, even if he sounds mid-poop in every line of dialogue that he says.
This is the sixty-first Amityville movie that I’ve watched. That says some horrible things about me, when you think about it, because at an average of 90 minutes each, I have spent 3.91 days of my life on these movies, not even to mention the time that I wrote about them, appeared on podcasts and talked to others about them.
This one attempts to be both a meta behind the scenes of independent filmmaking while also, again, being Thankskilling. There also seems to be lights strobing in almost every bar scenes, as if the cops pulled the entire bar over. Speaking of excrement making, every time Rocco appears on screen, he’s making mid-loaf pinching faces. Even when doing coke, which he leaves on the bar. I’m not telling you how to be a drug addict, Rocco, but take your drugs with you.
I love that indie movies just have so many swear words in them. It makes them seem so realistic, especially when rubber turkeys come to life and chainsaw people to death.
At 42 minutes in, I decided to look at how much time was left, sure that this was nearly over. No, I am not even at the halfway point. I have entered the singularity, the point where matter is theoretically compressed to infinite density. Here, the laws of physics break down as I enter the final destination for everything that survives past the event horizon of a black hole. I feel like I am watching the Star Child from 2001 while at once being the Star Child, aware and not aware of what is happening. Is this movie still a swear-filled ode to making a bad movie or has it become one? Why are some rooms lit as if Mario Bava is coming over for a beer? Why is there a groundskeeper like The Shining? Why does the groundskeeper sound like a mob guy? Can my thoughts escape past the infinitely tiny point I have found myself within, as all known conceptions of time and space completely end?
“Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on around here?” Ivy yells at one point. This is before more of the cast and crew are killed, then Frank Jr. ties a woman up and attempts to have sex with her as she tells him that she can’t feel anything and his father must have never explained to him how to pleasure a woman properly.
The credits? They are over ten minutes long.
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