EDITOR’S NOTE: The I Hope You Suffer podcast said that “Since everybody is doing these movie challenges now, we made the only one worth doing.” Bring the pain.

Directed and written by Adam Thorn, this is an anthology where a man who needs to use an outhouse on a nature trail is blocked by an old hermit who tells him three stories. On the way, we get to hear “Crucified Woman” by Riz Ortolani, which is from Cannibal Holocaust.

In “The PandaManiac of the Pandemic,” you get exactly what is promised. A panda masked killing machine wiping out some teens, one of whom is Justin Decloux from Gold Ninja Video/The Important Cinema Club. He’s one of many twenty or thirty something teens in this who all dance like Jimmy Mortimer. Every time the panda attacks, he’s greeted with some metal, which is the exact thing I wanted. A panda that rips ears off soundtracked with barked vocals and double bass! He even grabs a guitar and murders someone, all before the pizza gets there.

In “Ranger,” we learn that the Amityville Outhouse used to be in Amityville but is now in the woods somehow and it keeps reappearing, which makes a park ranger go crazy. He chops it to pieces, he sets it on fire and then he gave up and decided to use the outhouse. The voices of the spirits got in his head and he burned the outhouse down with himself inside it, killing only the ranger.

The next installment is “Holy Shite,” a priest tries to exorcise a woman. As he finishes, he must take a number two, giving birth to a Satanic shit, so to speak, a demonic dookie, an infernal hot snake. It ends up becoming a poopet and asks the clergyman to teach it how to sing and what humor is, but it still ends up killing him when he tries to go to the bathroom again.

Finally, “The Gabba Ghoul AKA The Meat Man” is supposed to get to the bottom Amityville and the Jersey mob. This tracks, as the DeFeo family had organized crime connects through Louise DeFeo’s father, Michael Brigante, Sr., an associate of Gambino boss Carlo Gambino. As an Italian-American, this is where I remind you that the mafia and organized crime does not exist. Cole slaw creatures are also not real.

Amityville Outhouse is yet another example, along with The Amityville Curse, why Amityville movies should be made in Canada. It’s way better than any of the other sequels and I didn’t have to look at Shawn C. Phillips.

I can go to the bathroom almost anywhere but even I have issues with bathrooms in parks. It just seems like you could get killed and this movie has made that real.

Also: The song “Fat Kid On a Toilet” is wonderful.

I downloaded this for $2 Canadian here and you can also get it from Gold Ninja Video along with Rock ‘n’ Roll Asylum.