7. LITTLE DEVILS, BIG SHRIEKS: How much terror can a child really wreak?

Look, sometimes I end up watching devil child movies directed by the same guy who made Wild Things 2. He uses the name Jake Johnson in the credits, but that’s Jack Perez, who was also Ace Hannah when he directed Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Benjamin Harvey, who wrote this, also made 666: The Beast, which is the sequel where Donald — the child in this one — becomes an adult Antichrist, getting to where Damien Thorn was in three movies in just two.

Scott (Adam Vincent) and Erika (Sarah Lieving) Lawson get to adopt Donald (Booboo Stewart, who was Seth Clearwater in The Twilight Saga) after his parents die in a plane crash. Donald just walked away. And then I realized, oh man, this is The Asylum version of The Omen, released at the same time as the remake.

The flight number? Pacific Airlines Flight 7666.

Erika is the only reporter at the scene, so it just makes sense that she and her husband get Donald. In days, he’s hit by a baseball by Scott’s bad, which sends him to the dentist, who sees the Mark of the Beast on his tongue. He then shoves the drill into the dentist’s face and kills his assistant, then kills the grandfather the next day. No one suspects anything, even after when he was in the hospital earlier, a nurse had sex in the same room as him and died from mushing her head into a pipe.

A crazy nun shows up, as they do.

Lucy (Nora Jesse) shows up as the Satanic Sitter and gets Scott to comply by sneak sucking him off, which only works so long because it’s kind of hard to ignore that your adopted son is the Antichrist.

Does a cop kill the father before he can kill the son? Have you seen this before too? Or have we all seen the same movie?

At the end, Donald is now living with Erika’s sister Mary Lou (Kim Little), who is Martha Stewart and plans on raising the devil child all alone. If you ask your grandmother for The Omen for Christmas, you may get this movie. She still loves you, but she doesn’t know the difference.

You can watch this on Tubi.