Dragon Art Theatre Week (September 8 – 14) Pssst. Hey…buddy… you wanna see some naked movies with your mom in em? This stuff here is premium split tail in action, my friend, straight from the vaults at Something Weird Video. It’s all the HARD X stuff on the SWV site that I could find on Letterboxd and let me tell you, when I say HARD X I mean it! These movies show it all baby, whatever sort of freaky shit you’re into, these movies have got it. Nipple clamps, ice cubes on the balls, lesbos, homos, cumshots, whips, leather, you name it! Plus we got air conditioning and the cleanest bathrooms on the deuce. Just step inside … and if you need some luudes or a lid talk to my man Shifty over at the popcorn counter. Tell him Klon sent you.

Bat Pussy was found in the storeroom of the Paris Adult Movie Theatre in Memphis, Tennessee in the mid-1990s John Michael McCarthy (Damselvis, Daughter of Helvis) and let loose on the masses — well, the maniacs that like to watch strange adult films, like you and me — by Something Weird Video.

There are no credits. No one knew who made it. No one has any idea who the actors in it are. What they do know is that this is a movie where quality is damned, where the dialogue is seemingly written by aliens or creatures from another dimension, and the sex that does happen feels like it’s barely successful.

In Gotham City, Buddy and Sam are having sex after he gets inspired by an issue of Screw magazine. Now, the movie has been set up to show them doing some frickle-frackle, but mostly they shout obscenities at each other as if they were Peter J. Haskett and Raymond Huffman screaming “Shut up, little man!” instead of lovers.

This is an example of the dialogue:

Buddy: Hey! Hey! Put a dick right there in your god-damned mouth! That’s what you gotta do! Tickle your god-damned tonsils! Tickle your god-damned tonsils on that mother fucker, while, see. You don’t know how to suck a dick, do you? Hey! You ain’t answered yet!

Sam: How can I answer with a mouth full of dick?

This is topped by her saying, “Hey, lemme tell you something!” and farting on him.

Wait, this is a Batman parody?

Meanwhile…

Bat Pussy’s Secret Warehouse Hideout is where Dora Dildo is waiting for her “twat to twitch,” letting her know that someone is going to shoot a dirty movie in her Gotham City. She changes into her Bat Pussy outfit, jumps on a Space Hopper and bounces across town.

We cut back occasionally to Buddy and Sam, who keep on arguing while he struggles to get erect.

Buddy: I read my horoscope today.

Sam: What did it say, fuck you?

Buddy: My horoscope says I’m supposed to fuck you in the nose, in the ears, in the mouth, and in the pussy.

Sam: My horoscope said to get another man.

Buddy: I’ll shoot that motherfucker!

Finally, Bat Pussy arrives, gets naked and joins in with our redhead freckled lumpy couple. Buddy proclaims, “Batwoman!” until Sam corrects him. They have the most awkward threeway you’ve ever seen and I hope you haven’t seen this much. This is both the greatest and worst movie you’ve ever seen, but if you can endure it, you can do anything. I believe so much in you.