“Good evening, fear fans. You’re just in time. Contents: one ventriloquist’s dummy Hacme Novelty Company, Battle Shriek, Michigan. Oh, goody! Watch this, kiddies. You won’t see my lips move. You know why? I don’t have any! Well hello, Dickie. Would you like me to tell a tale from the crypt? No thanks, death-breath. Then how about sitting a little closer to the fire?!”

Directed by Richard Donner and written by Frank Darabont and Steven Dodd — wow, this episode is bringing the wattage, right? — “The Ventriloquist’s Dummy” stars Bobcat Goldthwait as Billy Goldman, a horrible amateur ventriloquist who saw the final performance of his idol, Mr. Ingles (Don Rickles) and Marty, which ended in a fire, Ingles losing his hand, his girlfriend being killed and the end of his career.

Billy invites Mr. Ingles to see him perform and he bombs. The elder artist lashes out at him, telling him that he’s horrible with no technique or ability to work an audience. Moments later, a woman who was seen with Ingles is found dead and Billy was covering the body with his coat. When Billy finds the man he has looked up to so much, Ingles is shooting morphine into his stump. Calling him a junkie and murderer, Ingles says that Morty is the one who hates women. The truth is that Morty is no doll. He’s a conjoined twin at the wrist and the morphine is all that keeps him from killing. Now that he’s taken so long to give him his medicine, Morty attacks him and then Billy, who makes a deal with him to be a star.

However, Morty is always a step ahead of the person calling him a dummy.

This episode comes from the story of the same name from Tales from the Crypt #28. It was writtem by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Graham Ingels, who the Mr. Ingles character is named for.

This is a really great episode that is, as I said above, filled with talented people.