5. ENJOY YOUR STAY: Park your keister for a single location flick.

Directed by John Gulager (whose father Clu is in this) and written by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, this film was teased by an entire season of Project Greenlight.

A man identified as the hero (Eric Dane) appears in a scummy Nevada bar, holding the head of a monster and basically telling everyone what they need to do if they want to live. He’s killed in seconds, which lets you know that nothing in this movie will be what you expect.

His wife — heroine (Navi Rawat) — shows up just in time for Vet (Anthony “Treach” Criss), Edgy Cat”(Jason Mewes) and Harley Mom (Diane Ayala Goldner) to get killed.

The monsters can’t be reasoned with. They want to procreate and kill and not always in that order or exclusively, if you get what I’m saying and I think you do.

Even kids aren’t safe, as Tuffy (Krista Allen) loses her son Cody (Tyler Patrick Jones)  to the monsters. Not even comic relief is safe, as Beer Guy (Judah Friedlander) is thrown up on and melts. At least Honey Pie (Jenny Wade) has to get naked to wash all the blood off, because you know, foreign investors.

At this point, who knows who will make it. Anyone? Bozo (Balthazar Getty)? Coach (Henry Rollins)?Hot Wheels (Josh Zuckerman)?

Despite giving birth to two sequels, I can’t believe that Feast isn’t mentioned more often. I always confused it with Slither until I finally watched both. Then again, isn’t Slither more like Night of the Creeps than this one? Then again, both of these movies are so made up of influences that you could see them taking from so many movies, you know?

You can watch this on Tubi.