GRIMOIRE DVD RELEASE: Texas Chainsaw Mascara (2022)

Bill Zebub has made some movies with wild titles, like The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made (the playing card cover tormented me when I used to see this at the sadly departed Kennywood West Coast Video),  Dickless Zombies and Loving a Vegetable.

Well, this has a great title and the minute the screener was opened — not by me, by my wife — I was in trouble. “Glad they sent you this for your expert review,” she said, shoving the cover with half nude bloody women in my face.

I mean, I really have done something with my life.

A bunch of Yankees decide that they want the real Texas Chainsaw Massacre experience, so they head down there, their car breaks down and the prejudices of the north and the south come to a bloody head that hardly anyone will survive.

There are long stretches where a man gives the middle finger to God, one assumes, as metal plays over any noise he may make. There is also a man with a pig head who seems like the only person equipped to survive.

Well, I made it. I got through this film and I did so on a day my wife wasn’t home, because inevitably this is the kind of movie she’d walk in on while a man in a pig mask gets blood all over someone’s bosom and I’d like to be able to get off the couch and back into that warm bed someday soon.

You can get the DVD of this movie, which also has a new cut of Dirtbags with a cameo by Peter Steele from Type O Negative, from MVD.

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