By 2053, extensive ecological damage has resulted in lawless lands that are controlled by mutants. That’s the world that Harry Stark (Michael Ironside) lives in, working as a bounty hunter after being a cop. One of his bounties, a woman named Reno (Vanity), ends up being the reason he travels to Neon City on a giant truck.

I mean, I’ve seen worse setups for a movie.

Everyone on the trip has some kind of secret. There’s Bulk (a clean-shaven Lyle Alzado), a former friend of Starks who he once arrested. A serial killer who is acting like a doctor. The clown Dickie Divine (Richard Sanders, Les Nessman from WKRP In Cincinnati), a rich girl named Twink (Juliet Landau, Drusilla from Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Stark’s ex-wife Sandy and an old man named Wing.

The train battles through radioactive Xander Clouds, mutant attacks and even visits a diner staffed by mutants. Slowly, Stark and Reno come together while evading the killer on the train and making their way to Neon City.

Television writer Ann Lewis Hamilton wrote this as an update to John Ford’s Stagecoach. As she’d dealt with sexism in her career, she used the male name Buck Finch as her pen name. Unsurprisingly, despite her writing the lead as a woman, producers instead cast the male Ironside as Stark.

This movie looks like a high-end TV movie, because well, it is. I’d recommend it only if you love Vanity, Michael Ironside and post-apocalyptic cinema. Seeing as how I’m cursed by all three of those afflictions, I was caught in its spell against my will.

You can watch this on Tubi.