BASTARD PUPS OF JAWS: Santa Jaws (2017)

It’s the holiday season and friend of the site Paul Andolina loves tracking down new and weird holiday movies. Luckily, one of his Christmas movies ties directly into our shark-related film season, too! Want to read more of what Paul has to say? Then check out Wrestling with Film.

It just wouldn’t be the holiday season if I didn’t obsessively search for holiday-themed wackiness. However, this year we were treated to something holiday themed a whole 4 months prior to the season during Sharknado week in August on SYFY.

I had the movie Santa Jaws set to record figuring I’d either get to watch it during the next few weeks or closer to the holidays. It wasn’t until recently that I got around to watching it. I was feeling like I should get into the spirit of the season on my birthday near the end of November and after having a handful of one of my favorite beers began to search for a movie to watch, I turned on and partly watched 2 other movies before finally settling on loading up the DVR and starting Santa Jaws.

Santa Jaws is about two high school boys who write a comic about a killer shark that wears a Santa hat on its fin, having gained its powers after consuming an evil Santa. Cody the boy who drew the comic is having a hard time at home, he isn’t being heard when discussing any of his situations at school. He drew a picture protesting the use of school uniforms and their stifling of the students’ individuality. Unfortunately, the principal sees the picture on social media and contacts Cody’s mom who promptly grounds him.

His grandfather gives him an early present in the form of a pen and he angrily draws a picture of Santa Jaws and wishes he was alone. The next day upon waking, his grandfather asks him out to fish, skirting his grounding. At the docks, his grandfather breaks out his famous eggnog. Cody manages to knock the eggnog into the water and a shark wearing a Santa hat attacks his grandfather.

Rushing home to tell his folks about his papa’s unfortunate demise, he is met with stern words and more time grounded. Cody and his friends aren’t going to just stand around and let Santa Jaws kill everyone he knows. He discovers that things related to Christmas attract Santa Jaws and in turn only things related to the holiday can harm it.

I was not expecting such a well made and entertaining movie when I first heard about Santa Jaws. SYFY doesn’t always have the best reputation about its original movies or the movies it premieres. However, Santa Jaws surprised the heck out of me.

Well paced, well written, and full of character, Santa Jaws entertained me from beginning to end. It is just as ridiculous as it sounds but takes itself seriously and it works. It’s festive enough to satisfy your holiday cravings and is also as heartwarming as most Christmas movies you will see. The fact that it is filled with creature mayhem does not detract from any of its charm and in my opinion elevates it.

You can watch Santa Jaws on demand on SYFY.com if you have a cable login. Plus, I was informed by the director, Misty Talley, that Sony purchased it and will hopefully print it to disc. They would be crazy not to because I feel this movie will not only get impulse buys due to its wild title but continued purchases due to word of mouth of its quality.

This movie will pair nicely with some eggnog or hot chocolate and a large festive cheese plate. I’m sure you won’t want to get up for any snacks once this one starts.

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