8. HOLY WEDNESDAY: …And on the 8th day the Physical Media God watches a Christploitation flick.

Directed by Nathan Frankowski, written by Ed Alan, and filmed in Prague, The Devil Conspiracy is wild because it attempts to be both an action movie and a religious film, but ultimately becomes over-the-top with CGI, leaving the viewer blown away, as it’s unclear who this is for.

It’s for me.

Back in the days when angels fought in Heaven, St. Michael chained Lucifer in Hell. Now, a biotech company steals the Shroud of Turin in order to clone Lucifer. Their army kills Father Marconi (Joe Doyle), whose body is soon taken over by St. Michael in order to stop the end of the world from happening. Their plan is to find fallen women and use them to have a baby that the devil will possess, all while fallen angels teach St. Michael how to stop this, all while protecting Laura (Alice Orr-Ewing), the mother of the soon-to-be devil baby.

The main bad girl’s name?

Liz (Eveline Hall).

Yes, this movie is absolutely ridiculous in all the best of ways, and I wish they’d make so many more in a series of these films. Get this: Only the infant Christ could stand to be possessed by Lucifer, unlike weak humans who burn out when filled with the dark one. They’ve also created clones of Vivaldi and Michelangelo, which they auction off, and we simply ignore that this is happening because, in the grand scheme of this plot, it’s such a small thing in the face of the end times of all that is.

Also: Laura drinks an entire jug of bleach and lives.

Common Sense Media said: “Parents need to know that The Devil Conspiracy is a graphic fantasy/horror/thriller about a plot by devil worshippers to create a new baby Jesus and bring hell to Earth. Violence is intense and often bloody. There’s lots of fighting, shooting, beheading, slicing, stabbing, bloody wounds, jump scares, demons, other scary stuff, and more. Sporadic strong language includes uses of “f–k,” “motherf—-r,” “s–t,” “bitch,” “goddamn,” “whore,” etc. There’s some brief, inappropriate flirting, a woman wears fishnet stockings, and a childbirth scene is depicted. It’s preposterous and poorly made, but some viewers may be entertained in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way.”

Their review reads like a Joe Bob Drive-In Total: “Women are kidnapped and roughly handled; they’re shown panicking and terrified. One woman is physically violated (a fertilized egg is forcibly inserted into her uterus). Brief, strong images of children in peril. Severed head, beheadings. The head is split in half. Lots of dead bodies. Someone is stabbed. Guns and shooting; one person is shot in the head, with blood spatter. Bloody wounds. Choking, gasping. Character shoots a bird in a tree. Fighting. Head-slamming. Body-slamming. Head-butting. Face-stomping, with strong gore. Vomiting on someone’s face. People are attacking guards with homemade weapons. Demon chained by the neck. Jump-scares. Brief scary/creepy stuff. Scary dream about a demon baby. Character drinks bleach, with screaming, vomiting. Explosions. Violence depicted in paintings, artworks. Mention of rape.”

You can watch this on Tubi.