Directed by Lawrence Lanoff — also Lawrence Unger, the name he used to make Playboy home videos like Playboy’s No Boys Allowed 3: Sweet Sensations, Playboy: Best of College Girls, Playboy: Lusty Latin Ladies, Playboy: Girls of Hedonism, Runaway Bay Jamaica, Playboy: Gen-X Girls, Playboy’s Girls of Mardi Gras, Playboy: Best Kept Sex Secrets and Playboy: WildWebGirls.Com in addition to the name K.T. Summer that he used for Club Wild Side — and written by Sam Rappaport and Khara Bromiley, this seems like a comic book movie is about what happens when McKenna Bravenight (Carmen Electra) — in a Troma movie! — must replace her sister Emma (Shauna Sand, Playboy Playmate of the Month May 1996 and ex-wife of Snake Eater Lorenzo Lamas) as the keeper of a mystic amulet and become The Chosen One.

I just have to quote this line from its Wikipedia: “McKenna’s powers include a thirst for milk and tremendous sexual energy, which she unleashes on her former boyfriend, Henry (Dave Oliver), a cop.”

Like, I get the second one, this is a softcore superhero movie, but a thirst for milk in no way seems like a superpower. I guess when you have the raven as your totem, you like milk? You need strong bones? This also leads to a From Dusk Till Dawn like scene — more like Ninja 3: The Domination — where Electra pours milk down her body for Henry to lick, then she laps up what’s on the floor like a cat, except she’s supposed to be a raven and yet I think someone told her that this is kind of like Catwoman in that it’s bad. I mean, worse.

It’s also bad news for Henry’s latest girlfriend, Nora (Debra Xavier), who gets so upset that she gets into meth. That’s how the evil spirits — I See Good Spirits and I See Bad Spirits — find her and these Native American spirit animals are wolves. Did you know I can’t say the word wolf and just say woof?

Neither of these women are Native American, so this culturally appropriates all over the place. There’s also the Route 33 Serial Killer to catch and he’s played by the director, who was kind enough to make rated and unrated versions of this movie. And I love that the heroine’s name is McKenna Bravenight, which is very comic book, even if her costume is kind of lame. And lamé.

This also has one of the most astounding origins ever. Of course, our heroine has been hearing voices from the crescent medal she inherited from her sister but doesn’t put on her costume for some time. Henry’s ex, on the drugs, hooks up with Cole (Michael Stadvee), a drug dealer who attacks Henry, pisses all over him, tosses him in the back of his truck and makes sweet love to his ex-crackhead lover while he’s forced to watch and in pain. When McKenna Bravenight — I feel like from now on, I should use her full name — comes to save him, both she and Nora get shot by Cole. Left to die, the crescent necklace brings them both back to life. This is how Carmen Electra gets a skintight suit and a metallic half football helmet to fight crime as the avatar of the ravens, not unlike The Crow except instead of all that pesky goth stuff, we get a softcore erotic thriller sometimes, a superhero movie the others.

The same director made a possession movie, Temptress, which stars Kim Delaney. You know that as soon as I read that, I got so excited. That’s because this tickles that weird part of my lizard brain that demands that movies aren’t just dumb, but so dumb they cross over into genius before tripping back into abject insanity. Also: For those hoping to see Electra nude, that’s totally a body double. But you probably knew that.

As for my stupidity, I didn’t realize this was on Tubi and watched it on YouTube, where it was edited to only be part of the screen, squeezed into a too skinny shape and the audio chipmunked all to get past copyright and play online. That meant that the dialogue was completely inaudible, the action moved even more stitled and things were so dark I thought that I had developed glaucoma sooner than planner. Imagine my surprise when I went back and watched this on Tubi. It still wasn’t good, but it was at least a movie you could watch. Then again, I recommend the experience.

You can watch this on Tubi.