I hate the elf on the shelf. It creates an early message for children that we live in a police state, a place where you are constantly under surveillance and even the cutest things you see hide a way to keep you docile.

The Polonia Brothers directed this and it was written by Aaron Drake and Eric Wilkinson. An antique Christmas elf decoration is the way that a spirit communicates with the world, one filled with anger from beyond the grave. Three paranormal investigators — Damon Satchele (Titus Himmelberger), Lennie Barnes (David Fire) and Max Simonetti (Mark Polonia) — have been hired to cleanse the property of demonic entities so it can finally be sold.

This is a movie of Mark Palonia walking around with a thermometer trying to talk to the ghost of a child and nobody hearing anything correctly and enraging that ghost by sitting in his chair. I have a weakness for the Polonia films, as they’re more fun to make than watch, but then if you keep that in mind, you end up liking the movie more.

Seriously. Screw those elves. You put them on the mantle and they can become the conduit for evil, making your house up to six degrees colder in different parts, not to mention teaching your kids to hide stuff from you instead of building communication and trust.

You can watch this on Tubi.