Drive-In Friday: Walpurgis Night

I just read the best quote: “I am not joking. The proliferation of horror movies where the bad guy wins is clearly, obviously, a demonic plot to increase cynicism and teach people that it is stupid to feel hope or expect justice. It is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT a satanic psyop.”

Oh man, welcome to B&S About Movies.

Tonight, we turn to the Church of Satan approved film list to curate a night of parables ready to teach you the ways of the Left Hand Path. Remember — “There is a beast in man that should be exercised, not exorcised.” I believe that there is no better place to celebrate the joy of being alive than the drive-in.

MOVIE 1: Evilspeak (Eric Weston, 1981): This movie brutalizes Clint Howard so badly that no amount of revenge — much less church-based decapitations — is enough. Imagine Carrie with Clint just getting continually abused until he turns to Richard Moll’s ghost. Remember: Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek.

MOVIE 2: The Masque of the Red Death (Roger Corman, 1964): Vincent Price embodies so much of the Satanic ideal — and appears on the list of approved films more than once. This film, about a party against a plague claiming the surrounding world — hmm, sound familiar — is one of the best films ever made. A drive-in viewing decimated me one night, making me question my place in the world and pushing me to do more. That’s one of the reasons this site exists. “Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence.”

MOVIE 3: Curse of the Demon (Jacques Tourneur, 1957): Often, the movies that frightened me as a child seem silly today. This movie has somehow became even moe frightening and the famous image of the creature doesn’t even need to be in this. You must experience it. “If a guest in your home annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.”

MOVIE 4: The Night of the Hunter (Charles Laughton, 1955): Stupidity is one of the Nine Satanic Sins. That’s the one that I claim for the critics, fools who destroyed this film, a movie that has become a true classic of American film. I honestly am hard pressed to think of a film from this country that can compare. Somehow, this film begins in reality and enters a strange fairy tale world of expressionism and unstoppable evil cloaking itself in the guise of religion. “Do not harm little children.”

As Anton Lavey once said, “On Saturday night, I would see men lusting after half-naked girls dancing at the carnival, and on Sunday morning when I was playing organ for tent-show evangelists at the other end of the carnival lot, I would see these same men sitting in the pews with their wives and children, asking God to forgive them and purge them of carnal desires. And the next Saturday they’d be back at the carnival or some other place of indulgence.”

As for the drive-in lovers, who stay up all night staring into the loving night at the glowing screen, we will be sleeping all day.

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